Kamala Announces She Will Step Away From Politics To Spend More Time With Vodka

Former Vice President Kamala Harris officially announced today that she would be stepping away from politics in order to spend more quality time with vodka.

Harris stated that in the wake of her defeat in the 2024 election, she spent time evaluating what her priorities were at this stage in life and discovered that it was vodka.

"I'm looking forward to finally being at home with vodka," said Harris. "See vodka, it's like a drink. It comes in a bottle, and you pour it into a glass, and then you drink it. Sometimes people say, 'Stop! That's too much vodka.' Haha! Then, you wake up. And that's basically vodka."

According to former aides, Harris tried to spend as much time with vodka as possible during her time in national politics, but work too often got in the way. "It's been hard on her, spending so many nights away from vodka," said longtime aide Ashley Morton. "You could tell she just no longer had the hunger for politics... just the thirst for vodka. I'm happy for her."

At publishing time, Harris and Tito's had reportedly had a sweet reunion at her old San Francisco home.

Thinkerbell · 41-45, F

At publishing time, it was further disclosed that the proprietor of a liquor store near the Harris residence was greatly relieved that the former vice president had returned to the neighborhood. "We were about to go out of business," he explained, "what with the rampant and uncontrolled shoplifting, we hadn't turned a profit in four years, but now that she has returned, her vodka purchases have single-handedly put us back in the black financially," according to a source close to the situation.

beckyromero · 36-40, F

What are you muttering about now? Vodka? Wasn't that one (of many) of Trump's failed business ventures?

That's what happens when you become enamoured with anything Russian. Also explains his fascination with red caps.

IM5688 · 61-69, M

Harris and Pelosi should get together and form a Vodka Club. I am surprised that they would choose vodka though as that would be supporting Russia and we all know that leftist democrats support Ukraine.