Don't believe the official story. Humpty Dumpty was murdered.
The lamestream media would have you believe that Humpty Dumpty fell off that wall all by himself, and that all of the king's horses and all of the king's men tried to help him. Well, my friends, if you believe that, I've got a magic castle to sell you.
Think about it. Isn't it awfully convenient that Humpty Dumpty fell from that wall so soon after the Knave of Hearts was accused of stealing the queen's tarts? Almost like he knew something that would have shed new light on the case? Or maybe it was the fact that he knew who baked those blackbirds into the pie presented to the king himself? Either way, you won't hear the real story from the king's paid town crier, but the evidence is all around you.
Humpty Dumpty was an expert wall sitter. He had been sitting on walls ever since he was first laid. And we're supposed to believe that he suddenly fell off a wall one day after decades of wall sitting? I don't think so.
And the Knave of Hearts? The one who supposedly stole the tarts from the queen? Well, he was riding his horse, gallop-a-trot, gallop-a-trot, to the farm where Little Boy Blue had reported his horn missing, only to find the boy was covering for the fact that he fell asleep in the hay, and Little Bo Peep needed his help finding her sheep as a result.
So how did a man with an airtight alibi like that end up being convicted of stealing the queen's tarts? Simple. He was getting ready to expose the king's involvement in Blackbirdgate. As you well know, for the king's birthday, his staff baked him a special pie. According to the RSPCA, the king's royal cook baked 4 and 20 live blackbirds into the pie, which began to sing when the pie was opened for the king. As if this wasn't horrific enough, there are allegations that one of the blackbirds escaped, and flew to where the royal maid was busy hanging up the clothes. She has alleged that the blackbird, agitated by its cruel treatment, pecked off her nose.
Sources close to the family of the maid have suggested she had a witness, who was sitting on the garden wall that day, but that witness has gone missing. I submit that witness was none other than the kingdom's most prolific wall-sitter, Humpty Dumpty himself.
But hey. Go do your own research.
Think about it. Isn't it awfully convenient that Humpty Dumpty fell from that wall so soon after the Knave of Hearts was accused of stealing the queen's tarts? Almost like he knew something that would have shed new light on the case? Or maybe it was the fact that he knew who baked those blackbirds into the pie presented to the king himself? Either way, you won't hear the real story from the king's paid town crier, but the evidence is all around you.
Humpty Dumpty was an expert wall sitter. He had been sitting on walls ever since he was first laid. And we're supposed to believe that he suddenly fell off a wall one day after decades of wall sitting? I don't think so.
And the Knave of Hearts? The one who supposedly stole the tarts from the queen? Well, he was riding his horse, gallop-a-trot, gallop-a-trot, to the farm where Little Boy Blue had reported his horn missing, only to find the boy was covering for the fact that he fell asleep in the hay, and Little Bo Peep needed his help finding her sheep as a result.
So how did a man with an airtight alibi like that end up being convicted of stealing the queen's tarts? Simple. He was getting ready to expose the king's involvement in Blackbirdgate. As you well know, for the king's birthday, his staff baked him a special pie. According to the RSPCA, the king's royal cook baked 4 and 20 live blackbirds into the pie, which began to sing when the pie was opened for the king. As if this wasn't horrific enough, there are allegations that one of the blackbirds escaped, and flew to where the royal maid was busy hanging up the clothes. She has alleged that the blackbird, agitated by its cruel treatment, pecked off her nose.
Sources close to the family of the maid have suggested she had a witness, who was sitting on the garden wall that day, but that witness has gone missing. I submit that witness was none other than the kingdom's most prolific wall-sitter, Humpty Dumpty himself.
But hey. Go do your own research.
