lol my friend posted an update saying their phone wasn't receiving messages properly and somebody replied"How annoying! for you" written exactly like that. I laughed so hard - it seems to be the perfect mix between empathy and sarcasm
You ever had a friend say "You ok? How come you don't go out anymore?"yeahhhh so just because I haven't hung out with you in ages, you assume I don't go out at all? That's pretty presumptuous I think.
Ever had a friend try to call you to give you some support during a tough time, but the phone line was bad?"Hey man, I just wanted to laaroonerkkekekek plinplink anytime, I mean that." "...ah thanks, means a lot. Thank you" "If you ever feel like youu u ok kkkgrageagragra boooooooooand I know you know that" "Of cou-" "wheeeererrerrrrrrrrrrrr.... wait...See More »
When a president says "If they pass that bill, I'll sign it", it means he already knows the bill won't pass
Guys I think I got a new job.Now I need to figure out how to get into my current boss's office to take a shit on their desk
Job interview todayGotta exercise my lying skills. My biggest weakness is I cannot lie. My greatest strength is my ability to murder anyone in the way of my boss recieving their bonus. Welcome to my cubicle, this is my happy place.
My friend's productivity hack.Commit to taking cold showers every morning Each morning, give yourself this one option. You can take a cold shower or do something else you don't want to do. Amaze yourself with how fast you do everything except turn that fvcking cold water on
My mooch ass friend paying his billsDay 1 "Hey guys, has anyone had trouble paying their energy bill online? I'm getting so confused with this screen" Day 2 "Why do they make this so difficult? I'm trying to put in my disability discount and it won't let me" Day 3 "Oh I rang them up...See More »
Would you watch a movie starring Nicholas Cage in which he's trying to escape a 6 million dollar real estate debt and has to play one ridiculous roleafter another until he pays it off?
dammmm this shoulda been the real poster for full metal jacket That "I'm in a world of shit" line is probably the most metal thing I've heard in any movie to this day