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I'm starting to grow really irate with some male coworkers

And I am getting bad at hiding it ,nor do I care to hide it much. Basically I know of a few coworkers that had a romantic interest in me ,some were more polite at expressing it and basically respected my boundaries when I didn't reciprocate. Others grew resentful and even more persistent ,these I have a lot of problems with. One particularly ,who regularly schedules outings and privately messages me about joining , complained to me after I didn't reply or open his message , and 'threatened' to never privately message me again to which I responded positively to ,because I do not wish for him to privately message me ,especially when we can conversate any issues at work or at the work group chat. He however did end up messaging me privately again about an outing ,and I declined ,and once more he threw a temper tantrum. Now that exact same scenario happened with another coworker too ,who however instead of throwing a temper tantrum kept insisting on trying to persuade me to come out ,or would aggressively hit on me at work . Yesterday night ,the toddler man ,seemingly over his latest tantrum , came in after my shift while I was sitting in the main office waiting for my Uber , and seeing I was on my phone/tired/txting etc proceeded to start infantilising me , asking me if I am ok ,persisting to know what is up even though I replied that I was fine , asking me if I'm hungry /thirsty /asking how I would get home tonight etc and then again growing resentful at me for being short in my answers and trying to once again set boundaries . I honestly can say that working with men in my age range +10 yrs has almost always been unpleasant for that very reason , and they are often members of the company that have been there longer /have more experience /hold a 'higher' corporate position (usually managerial), whereas the females notice that behaviour and try to protect each other and/or offer an outlet .
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HannibalAteMeOut · 26-30, F
Ι'm wondering if they know about each other "pursuing" you too and try to antagonize each other. And they are young too, like how is this mindset still so prevalent? Disgusting.
HannibalAteMeOut · 26-30, F
@PepsiColaP how are they not embarrassed, that's worse than high school
@HannibalAteMeOut fr. No self awareness and complete sense of entitlement to my attention or time . Like,what?
@PepsiColaP THIRTIES? Sheesh.

Talk to an employment lawyer.
Dshhh · M
Consider this approach. Most men are entirely clueless, and can’t even read your mood. So when someone is coming onto you that way? Do you have to say very clearly I am not interested in that with you. Please don’t ever bring it up again.
@Dshhh you are very right about having that approach. I think they do understand however I'm not interested they just do not respect it enough as it is atm
Dshhh · M
@PepsiColaP Yes and without the respect they’re going to keep on knocking at your door you’ve actually got to be hard with them nowI was like that too, when I was maybe 14! Sadly many men will not respect any woman, so be hard-core, I don’t know what country you live in or what company you work for but you have to bring them up short no loud and clear. And then, don’t even talk to him for a while.
Trying to set boundaries at the outset is great but once it becomes clear that you’re not having any success it becomes time to get forceful and state clearly and in so many words that you don’t want these guy messaging you again privately and that all communication should be professional because you’re co workers and that is ALL you will ever be to them and if they continue to bother you outside of work you will consider it sexual harassment and take appropriate action.
Record that conversation on your phone when you have it.
@Onestarlitnight that's all fine and great in theory but in reality most of them are either the HR or friends with HR or more familiar with them than me. I do keep all messages sent to me , a lot of the confrontation happens in person though. For example he messaged me about that outing ,along the lines of 'you are coming out on that date and that place etc.' at a time I was on holiday leave as well (I was in fact in bed with my bf when I got that msg and showed him the brief from my drop down home screen ,but he sees how they are inappropriate anyway) , and I ignored it for smth like ten days before he confronted me in person ,at work , and then messaged me again a few days later casually,as If the confrontation hadn't happened.
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SW-User
I'd recommend having a conversation with human resources. That's one definition of a hostile workplace and if they don't respect you enough to back off and be professional maybe they'll respect someone else higher up the food chain letting them know there will be consequences. I hate making waves myself but after you've tried to solve the problem politely it may be time to try something new. And if that doesn't work I recommend a taser ⚡
Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M
Yeah that's weird. It's a boundary issue a lot of people have unfortunately. I work with 90% female staff in my work and I'm not weird with them like that 🤷 I know how awkward it is when people hit on you in work amd youre not interested or just there to work.

I was getting sexually harassed by an older woman there for a couple months and I think she either realized I was annoyed or got spoken to by the manager about it.
Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M
@PepsiColaP I've seen worse, a manager asked me if another colleague was gonna fuck one of the girls who was in the room at the time so she could hear. I said no comment mate and I quit there after a week.
@Ryannnnnn vile
Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M
@PepsiColaP also has a girl ask me out within 5 minutes of being hired and she was really overweight so I avoided the question (no hate but not my thing) and it was so awkward every day.
RosaMarie · 46-50, F
Is you company big enough to have an HR department that would take a truly neutral third party view of it and handle it accordingly?
@RosaMarie well yeah but first it has to be internal before it reaches that lvl
In situations like this, I'm embarrassed to be a guy. I feel bad that you have gone through this level of harassment. Make sure you keep a copy of all the communications if this escalates to an HR problem. Hopefully common sense prevails and they smarten up.
Teslin · M
Don't they know that you are engaged ?
@Teslin they know I'm in a relationship I make a point to intentionally mention it
Teslin · M
@PepsiColaP Well then, you are off limits. No longer on the available list.
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
Pests. Someone should invent a spray against them like we have those against insects.
Hassan · 22-25, M
Do they know about Miku? Personally when i knew I started respecting your boundaries more, but ngl Peps you're like hotel California bcz you can check out any time you like
But you can never leave
@Hassan yeah I mean I take holiday leave very often to travel w my bf and when my holiday comes up ,usually when I return , and they ask me about it I tell them about some of the activities we have done together etc and I literally have a picture of us as my screensaver and make a point to mention him intentionally at this point , so that they get the fucking hint
ineedadrink · 56-60, M
@PepsiColaP Mention how he has a habit of introducing workboots to the ballsacks of disrespectful punks.
I don’t know what industry you’re in. Some are more progressive than others. I can tell you at 39 I still have senior colleagues stare at my boobs, make inappropriate jokes and one confused me with another “blonde” in front of the CEO. Looked worse on him. My only advice is play the long game, be cautious about socialising with any male colleagues and or communicating with them outside work. Sadly there’s a long way to go most places I’ve worked 😟.
Report them to HR
AuRevoir · 36-40, M
This is strange…

I wonder if they had a video of themselves behaving that way, if they wouldn’t be more embarrassed..

You could blurr out the face, mask the voice.. but keep the words in and play it publicly throughout the whole building.. 👀 or don’t be evil like me and let them continue to live in their ignorance.. 👀🥤 idk..
Keeper · M
Set boundaries early & often. Most creeps will back off if you do.
eMortal · M
They have the wrong impression about. Men act like that when the girl is a tease or when they think she’s easy. A false rumor can bring you this kind of attention.
@eMortal WRONG
Men act like that when they have no respect for women and see them as objects for their pleasure.
It’s not her fault in any way whatsoever
eMortal · M
@Onestarlitnight that’s actually what I’m saying. They’re all under the impression that if they press a bit harder they’re gonna hit.
Thats sexual harassment like this is real stuff you neda go above their heads to HR cuz its not getting better
samueltyler2 · 80-89, M
You obvious, exude pheromes!
Wtf...these guys should be gone.

They are liabilities to the company!
Men are so annoying. How hard is it to accept a no? 🙄
ineedadrink · 56-60, M
That is fucked up. Is there a possibility of the females banfing together & filing an official complaint? Or am I being naive?
@ineedadrink nope but they acknowledge it happen with me
ineedadrink · 56-60, M
@PepsiColaP How long until you finish your degree & so be in a position to publicly embarrass them w/o fear of reprisal?
@ineedadrink I have a research project to complete but I'm looking for internships in different places even location/country entirely ATM
I just finished watching a movie with John Boy and Brooke Shields based on a true story that turned into multiple homicides. You wanna nip this in the bud
What a bunch of jackasses. I say block em both and report em to HR. I get pursistant too, but the temper tantrums are unacceptable.
SW-User
I hate such men.

Threatened to never message privately, WTF who does he think he is.

I had a similar experience I really wanted to lift him by the neck and dunk him in the trashcan.

Sadly Its illegal and he's too fat.
MrVintage71 · 51-55, MVIP
Should like a bunch of snowflake,arseholes!!
MethDozer · M
Don't back down and just flat out tell them to cut the shit or it's going to get nasty.

 
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