why cant i be normal?

why do i do everything wrong, im never enough, im never gonna be what my mom wants me to be, im not straight, why cant i be straight? why cant i like basic normal stuff so my mom wouldn’t hate me? why?? why can’t i be extroverted to be cool and have friends and go to parties like a normal teenager? why cant i be pretty like every single other girl? why cant i be happy? i hate myself, i hate how i look how i act and how people see me… sometimes i wish i was dead, everything would be better without me, i just want to be normal, to be loved, to be me… why cant i just like a sport or just makeup? why can’t i be whiter and have straight hair like my mom? why im i so ugly and pathetic and god im just a big loser and now that im going to another school its worse, i wish i wasn’t alive, why cant i just be normal????? why cant i like normal stuff like everyone else??? why doe y mom think im depressing? why??????????