why cant i be normal?

why do i do everything wrong, im never enough, im never gonna be what my mom wants me to be, im not straight, why cant i be straight? why cant i like basic normal stuff so my mom wouldn’t hate me? why?? why can’t i be extroverted to be cool and have friends and go to parties like a normal teenager? why cant i be pretty like every single other girl? why cant i be happy? i hate myself, i hate how i look how i act and how people see me… sometimes i wish i was dead, everything would be better without me, i just want to be normal, to be loved, to be me… why cant i just like a sport or just makeup? why can’t i be whiter and have straight hair like my mom? why im i so ugly and pathetic and god im just a big loser and now that im going to another school its worse, i wish i wasn’t alive, why cant i just be normal????? why cant i like normal stuff like everyone else??? why doe y mom think im depressing? why??????????

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ServantOfTheGoddess · 61-69, M

Chances are very good that things will get better for you as you get older, especially once you've moved away from home (if you are still living with your Mom). A lot of us have been through all kinds of turmoil and depression and have come out of it accepting ourselves and connecting with good people.

You don't need to be straight. You don't need to like popular stuff. You don't need to prove anything to your Mom. You don't need to look like "conventionally attractive" people. You don't need to like sports or makeup or anything else you don't happen to like. Your skin tone and hair are perfect. You are not the pathetic loser you are telling yourself you are; you are a good, strong person with so much to offer. You'll get to the point where you can see it. Patience.