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I Like Old Fashioned Things

[b]THE GENERATION GAP - or should that be BOTTOMLESS GULF[/b]

A young thing of about 20 tried to chat me up.

She was no doubt Impressed by the hoary head (supposed to represent wisdom though this is touch and go in my case) and the noble bearing (I had left my walking stick at home and was working hard not to look bent).

She had all her chat-up lines all ready. The conversation went as follows:

[b]HER[/b] Do you work out?

[b]ME[/b] No, I mostly work at home.

[b]HER[/b] Err, like... Have you been tweeting a lot recently?

[b]ME[/b] I went through a phase when I was about two and a half when I thought I was a bird - but since then, no, I haven't.

[b]HER[/b] Like... like... Do you use?

[b]ME[/b] Use?

[b]HER[/b] No, like, do you like use?

[b]ME[/b] Do I like to use what?

Staring into the middle distance, I waited for an answer, But when I looked towards her, she was moving away. I just heard her repeating "Like... like" as she disappeared.

It sounded as if she liked me.

But apparently I didn't make the grade.

Just as well - I don't know what we would have talked about if we had clicked.
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TheSeptikSkeptik · 46-50, M
Are you the guy that I had recently read about in the news that is trying to legally change his age from 69 to 40 for the purpose of Tinder?
WalterF · 70-79, M
@TheSeptikSkeptik Not that I know of - unless it was done in a moment of dementia... Ask my 24-hour carer. (What is "internet" anyway?)
Mindful · 56-60, F
TheSeptikSkeptik · 46-50, M
@WalterF Oh. I've heard that people have gone through whole criminal fraud trials without knowing because of Ambien. They wake up in prison facing 8-10 years and the last two years are a complete blur.
WalterF · 70-79, M
@TheSeptikSkeptik Give them my best wishes next time you visit
Mindful · 56-60, F
😀@WalterF
TheSeptikSkeptik · 46-50, M
@WalterF I don't know them personally. I just read it on the internet. Godlike productions to be exact. They say that it's a product of MK Ultra.
This message was deleted by its author.
WalterF · 70-79, M
@TheSeptikSkeptik There's a lot of danger out there. That's why I rarely exit my cave. In fact I only do so when I am sure of being chatted up by a 20-year-old. Even if it only lasts 30 seconds, it makes me feel young again. Oh to be 55 and in the prime of youth!
TheSeptikSkeptik · 46-50, M
@WalterFIf that lawsuit pans out, you may consider moving it Italy.
WalterF · 70-79, M
@TheSeptikSkeptik I'm already in France - will that do? I live in England. Anybody else young enough to cope with working on a different continent? (Europe being bye-bye for us Briits, very soon)
AnneHoney · 36-40, F
Hey if you can legally decide your gender depending on your mood that day, why not your age. Sadly I feel 50 today, hopefully tomorrow will be more 17. Lol@WalterF
TheSeptikSkeptik · 46-50, M
@WalterF Not sure. Don't know much about Tinder law in France.
WalterF · 70-79, M
@AnneHoney Good point Anne. AND you don't need any operations to decide to be young - oops, maybe that's not exactly true
WalterF · 70-79, M
@TheSeptikSkeptik If there's a law, the French will have it. They LOVE laws. Trouble is, the ordinary person just laughs them off. My favourite example: on the metro, in every carriage, there's a notice saying "It is forbidden to bring animals on the metro." It goes on immediately to say "However, if you do bring an animal, it must be in a cage". How's that for double standards!
TheSeptikSkeptik · 46-50, M
@WalterF What is the criteria for being classified as an animal though? Technically, we are animals as well. They definitely should be more clear. It's like those stupid captchas where you have to click on the box that say's "I'm not a robot" How do we know? How.Do.We.Know?
TheSeptikSkeptik · 46-50, M
@WalterF And is this cage metaphorical or existential? But that's bureaucracy for ya, am I right?
WalterF · 70-79, M
@TheSeptikSkeptik Good question. We are lapsing into philosophy, I fear... But I am a little worried, looking at your last words. The point after every word - "How.Do.We.Know" could be an indication of the creeping advance of robotism. You really should get a checkup appointment with your local human AI physician. They can recognise a human Dalek when they see one
WalterF · 70-79, M
@TheSeptikSkeptik Always, always. But for Pete's sake don't stop taking the meds
WalterF · 70-79, M
@WalterF (Expecting a question on said "Pete"...)
AnneHoney · 36-40, F
I’m starting to fear my husband is part Dalek. I asked him to kill a bug and he just kept saying Terminate!@WalterF
WalterF · 70-79, M
@AnneHoney If he got the accent and the movements right, then you must keep him and look after him. We can only hope that this is the expression of an artisitc gift for imitation, rather than a descent into an internal mechanical hell
AnneHoney · 36-40, F
I just won’t let him into my Tardis@WalterF
TheSeptikSkeptik · 46-50, M
@WalterF I'm not on meds. My mom says that it's what caused my autism.
WalterF · 70-79, M
@AnneHoney Ha ha! Well if you're inviting anyone in, let me know! I'll zoom over in my Spacemobile (sorry, not into scifi so can't give a catchier vehicle than that)
supersnipe · 61-69, M
@WalterF I remember notices in carriages on the Paris metro regarding seats reserved for the infirm. There was a list on the window, starting with 'war wounded' and running through a hierarchy of civilian disabled/visually impaired/elderly etc, with pregnant women (not sure anymore about [i]how[/i] pregnant they had to be) at the bottom of the pecking order.

The UK equivalent was 'please give up this seat if an elderly or disabled person needs it. Thank you'