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INTJ's or those who have been in a relationship/ in a relationship with INTJ's answer please

So I've met this person off a dating site and I'm really keen on learning more about them. However, I've seen many posts online stating that INTJ's aren't really into romantic relationships? idk, ik it sounds contradicting given the fact they were on a dating site lmao. I just wanted to know if I should be the one who always initiates the convo? or I should always shoot my shot in a way lmfao. They've never really initiated the convo and idk if this is something I should pursue. If they don't start the convo does that mean they aren't interested or just shy? They've told me that their life was pretty boring and I came up with a plan to send them random stuff (games, posts, memes, etc.) for 20 days LMFAO (i was gonna use this to start our new convo). Someone tell me of this is a good idea or I'm just setting myself up for failure.
Doomflower · 36-40, M
INTJ often feel a little like they're on the spectrum to me. It isn't that they don't have feelings or want relationships, they just don't know how to [i]do[/i] them. So they are on a dating site but don't know what to say so stay shyly on their profile.
JustNik · 51-55, F
You are allowed to ask a person directly. “I’m interested in knowing you better, but I notice I’m always the one to initiate contact and I’m wondering if you’re just not interested or if this kind of communication just isn’t your favorite.” That way if it’s the first, you can quit wasting time and if it’s the second you can make plans to try a different method. If you’re an exuberant sort and they’re not, though, it could be you’re just not a great match. 🤷‍♀️
CongoMyStuffedCorgi · 18-21, F
@JustNik you’ve got a good point there! Thanks for the advice :))
ViciDraco · 36-40, M
Honestly, it could be either shyness or disinterest. I share the I and the N for sure, the other two can vary from test to test.

I am going to speak for myself, and allow you to see what applies.
* I generally only initiate conversations when I believe I have something New AND Interesting to say.
* I consider my life fairly boring because I do not have new or interesting experiences. Thus I have nothing to talk about
* I do not know how to talk just to talk. It is uncomfortable to try to force thinking about something to say.
* I am sometimes most at ease when we can just be quiet and exist in each other's company.
* Being sent things constantly with expectation to respond quickly gets draining very fast. But if I'm allowed to respond at my own pace, I appreciate the reaching out.

Social interaction has never come easy for me. But the bonds I forge with people that put up with that tend to be incredibly strong and durable. I can legitimately go years without speaking to someone and then interact with them as if it's only been a few weeks. And love them just the same. Not that I would ever want to go that long with an intended romantic partner.


Dealing with an introvert you are going to need to initiate conversation most of the time. Whether he is a strong introvert or not interested I could not tell you.

The best thing to do is to ask him directly. The more specific question the better. INTJ can feel awkward discussing emotions. Especially nebulous and abstract emotions. The more you can home questions into single response questions the better you will be able to get information from him.

Do not ask him "How do you feel about me?" That is a lot to analyze and try to think about how to say. Instead say "Are you looking for a long term romantic relationship or were you hoping for something more casual?"

Also, ask more about what he thinks and less about what he feels.
CongoMyStuffedCorgi · 18-21, F
@ViciDraco Oh wow, I really appreciate the detailed insights :)) It gave me a better perspective on things
Penny · 46-50, F
INTJ beware lol unless you think you can handle a brainy aloof know it all type. just how i view INTJ's. i could be wrong about them but sending games sounds like a good plan if youre still interested.
CongoMyStuffedCorgi · 18-21, F
@Penny actually you’re description of INTJ personality is pretty spot on with the person I’m talking to
Penny · 46-50, F
@CongoMyStuffedCorgi prolly be a hard catch lol. i wouldnt chase too hard. if he wants to come to you let him
SumKindaMunster · 51-55, M
I'm an INTJ and I love being in a romantic relationship. We are good at relationships as we are very straight forward, pragmatic and don't play games.

However, we are terrible(or I am terrible) at flirting and playing the little games that go along with dating in the beginning.

My suggestion is if you are interested in this person, just be very straight forward with them.

"Hey I am enjoying our time together, you wanna do something this weekend? I'd like to (insert what you want to do here)"
SW-User
Hes not interested. Thats how my last bf was. He wasnt interested in me either.
s1nx4my · 22-25
i would identify myself as an INTJ and people like us would need more time to be comfortable around someone. considering your situation that you've met on a dating site, they’re probably adjusting. i say go ask them directly about whats bugging you and whatever answer you get then i hope it goes well for you:)
The internet weeds and bullies and hiring and firing help you be a conservative country. Duh.
You lack judgement and know less than nothing political because I'm blackballed and you are bullies. Society hates us most, us intj
If you can stay away from us, you'll be happier.
Do shun those bringing the solution. Always!
I refuse to let anyone or anything pick my relationships. Especially the mixed alphabet, astrology, and others based in magic.
@CongoMyStuffedCorgi The Myers-Briggs "test" is a long running internet fallacy not psychology. They have no more validity than horoscopes. We’re attempting self assessments that are based on our prejudices.
MethDozer · M
@BlueSkyKing Facts. It isn't even respected in psychology. Meyers-Briggs needs to die and go away like any other woo.
MethDozer · M
@Penny Meyers-briggs isn't used or considered valid by mainstream psychology. There's no clinical or scientific basis and is mostly just used by the corporate world.
Doomflower · 36-40, M
I am an INFJ and often get accused of not having feelings and am not believed when I try to explain I am experiencing deep emotions I am just having problems expressing them.
wonkywinky · 51-55, M
What the sam hill is an "INTJ"?

 
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