INTJ's or those who have been in a relationship/ in a relationship with INTJ's answer please

INTJ often feel a little like they're on the spectrum to me. It isn't that they don't have feelings or want relationships, they just don't know how to do them. So they are on a dating site but don't know what to say so stay shyly on their profile.

You are allowed to ask a person directly. “I’m interested in knowing you better, but I notice I’m always the one to initiate contact and I’m wondering if you’re just not interested or if this kind of communication just isn’t your favorite.” That way if it’s the first, you can quit wasting time and if it’s the second you can make plans to try a different method. If you’re an exuberant sort and they’re not, though, it could be you’re just not a great match. 🤷‍♀️

Honestly, it could be either shyness or disinterest. I share the I and the N for sure, the other two can vary from test to test.

I am going to speak for myself, and allow you to see what applies.
* I generally only initiate conversations when I believe I have something New AND Interesting to say.
* I consider my life fairly boring because I do not have new or interesting experiences. Thus I have nothing to talk about
* I do not know how to talk just to talk. It is uncomfortable to try to force thinking about something to say.
* I am sometimes most at ease when we can just be quiet and exist in each other's company.
* Being sent things constantly with expectation to respond quickly gets draining very fast. But if I'm allowed to respond at my own pace, I appreciate the reaching out.

Social interaction has never come easy for me. But the bonds I forge with people that put up with that tend to be incredibly strong and durable. I can legitimately go years without speaking to someone and then interact with them as if it's only been a few weeks. And love them just the same. Not that I would ever want to go that long with an intended romantic partner.


Dealing with an introvert you are going to need to initiate conversation most of the time. Whether he is a strong introvert or not interested I could not tell you.

The best thing to do is to ask him directly. The more specific question the better. INTJ can feel awkward discussing emotions. Especially nebulous and abstract emotions. The more you can home questions into single response questions the better you will be able to get information from him.

Do not ask him "How do you feel about me?" That is a lot to analyze and try to think about how to say. Instead say "Are you looking for a long term romantic relationship or were you hoping for something more casual?"

Also, ask more about what he thinks and less about what he feels.

INTJ beware lol unless you think you can handle a brainy aloof know it all type. just how i view INTJ's. i could be wrong about them but sending games sounds like a good plan if youre still interested.

I'm an INTJ and I love being in a romantic relationship. We are good at relationships as we are very straight forward, pragmatic and don't play games.

However, we are terrible(or I am terrible) at flirting and playing the little games that go along with dating in the beginning.

My suggestion is if you are interested in this person, just be very straight forward with them.

"Hey I am enjoying our time together, you wanna do something this weekend? I'd like to (insert what you want to do here)"

Hes not interested. Thats how my last bf was. He wasnt interested in me either.

i would identify myself as an INTJ and people like us would need more time to be comfortable around someone. considering your situation that you've met on a dating site, they’re probably adjusting. i say go ask them directly about whats bugging you and whatever answer you get then i hope it goes well for you:)

The internet weeds and bullies and hiring and firing help you be a conservative country. Duh.
You lack judgement and know less than nothing political because I'm blackballed and you are bullies. Society hates us most, us intj
If you can stay away from us, you'll be happier.
Do shun those bringing the solution. Always!

I refuse to let anyone or anything pick my relationships. Especially the mixed alphabet, astrology, and others based in magic.

I am an INFJ and often get accused of not having feelings and am not believed when I try to explain I am experiencing deep emotions I am just having problems expressing them.

What the sam hill is an "INTJ"?