Why is it hard to forget.

I find myself thinking of all the toxic things my ex did. I was paying attention to him and his actions. If I payed attention my ex was telling me exactly how he was , when he spoke about his family members . How he treated females, I don’t understand how I got lured in, he told me that sometimes guys like to get attention from females to see if they still can get them , he would stare at females and I would catch him , I should’ve left sooner , I don’t want to feel insecure because that i the person he is.. insecure he was telling me through conversation indirectly.. i knew something was off but he showed me I was the most beautiful and I was. I should’ve seen that I was just enough for him to the point he didn’t want anyone to see my beauty, people would tell him even strangers would stop and tell me wow you’re so pretty . Even though i knew he had a preferred type , it gets me because I wish he never seen me I wish I quit that job I met him at before I met him. I always remember I was so happy full of life and confident. Iv learned a lot and that’s me being too kind! I need to have boundaries at least I can say iv learned something in the last3 years being with him... That person he was , he is .. treated me so wrong. I never want to be in love again. Ppl say pay attention and set boundaries , yeah you can practice that but these evil people leave a mark that makes u give up completely, sucked whatever love you had to give. He knew that’s who I was, i look at my son and all I can do is stare into his beautiful eyes and I’m all I see is my ex , I can’t stop staring sometimes and I just smile, when smiles he warms my heart and it aches for the love I will never have again for my actual ex , everything he lied and promised me , I’ll resent him forever.