It’s surreal that a month today I was sat on a boat with a sunburned forehead. Today I’m in sideways rain, repairing storm damage.

My wife said she was looking forward to a cosy autumn. She said she was looking forward to taking the kids pumpkin picking, walking the dog in the woods, sitting under a heated blanket reading a book. The Instagram aesthetic of autumn.

But the reality is her saying 10 times an hour “I’m cold, are you cold? Why is it so cold? I’m sure that radiator isn’t heating properly…” and so on.