Grandma's 75 birthday dinner party

I am about to freak out.

Got a email from one of Joel's cousins saying they are planning a surprise birthday party for Grandma. They are waiting it to be a a very fancy restaurant and a black tie affair.

I don't know what to do. I can barely handle a regular sit down restaurant. When we go I always ask if we can be seat in the back away from other people. Even then I still struggle and have to get up and pace many times. And my tics and outbursts are always worse when I try and sit down so I stand most of the time near the table.

But there is no way I could do that at a very fancy restaurant.

Oh Lord what am I going to do.

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onrealityofdreams · M

I feel sure you've already tried but I'll ask anyway; is there anything you can use as a distraction from your anxieties?

Cigarguy · M

@onrealityofdreams I have major PTSD trauma from eating that is tied to my tourette's. I very recently found a neurologist that is trying to help me but I am in the very beginning stages of my treatment and it's going to take a long time since I'm in my middle 40s. I just don't see any way for me to possibly be able to go to this dinner without embarrassing the whole family and myself because I know I will not be able to sit at a table. I can't even sit down at my own dinner table more than 5 minutes.

onrealityofdreams · M

@Cigarguy Does your family know about your Tourette's?

Cigarguy · M

@onrealityofdreams this is my partner's family and yes they do know about my tourette's. Some of them don't know me very well we've met a family dinners and holidays and that's about it. But there's no way I could ask them to change their whole plans for one person I just won't be able to attend I know Grandma will understand and I hope the other family members will understand as well. I also worry that if I'm not there my daughter will not want to go either. And I can't really talk to Grandma about it because it's supposed to be a surprise

onrealityofdreams · M

@Cigarguy The people who know about your Tourette's will understand. Those who don't know will soon find out. But they're not your concern. Your concern is being there for Grandma, and she understands.

Cigarguy · M

@onrealityofdreams I don't want to cause a scene at her party. I know Grandma would understand but I don't know about the rest of the family. I'm going to take a my partner and see what he thinks. Days like this I hate being me

onrealityofdreams · M

@Cigarguy My opinion? I think you should go. Be there for Grandma. The party is for her, no one else. Take someone and enjoy the party. Be good to yourself. You deserve it.

Cigarguy · M

@onrealityofdreams I just don't see any way it would be ok for me to go. I won't be able to sit at the table. I'll be pacing like crazy and everyone will be staring at me. It's Grandmas birthday not mine. I don't want to ruin it for her.

onrealityofdreams · M

@Cigarguy As I said earlier the people who know will understand. You won't be a distraction. Grandma will understand. No doubt she wants you there.

Cigarguy · M

@onrealityofdreams I do want to go. I'll talk to my partner about it and see what he thinks

onrealityofdreams · M

@Cigarguy Great idea. I hope you go.

Cigarguy · M

@onrealityofdreams thank you for your kind advice and understanding. It helped a lot

onrealityofdreams · M

@Cigarguy You're welcome. I'm glad it helped.