I must be a sociopath

I swear at the funeral I felt nothing, NOTHING. Devoid of emotion all the time. I mean. I'm more likely to feel something if one of my sisters is crying but usually? Nothing. I remember at rehab they wanted to ask what I was feeling before the group thing. I was always like, apathy? Apparently they didn't like that. And I had to invent an emotion to appease them. Heck that's why I drank, so I could feel something. It could stem from me stamping down emotions in high school when I learned my family were homophobes. But.eh. at least I don't use crafted emotions to control others. I'd rather be myself. A pissed off gay dude who feels nothing. Just a rant

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NativePortlander1970

Do not feel bad, I was completely numb at my own Dad's memorial service, seeing him in his casket during the service, then loading him in a small plane to be taken in small town algona, iowa, to be transfered in Des Moines, to be flown to Portland, I did not feel a thing, I think it was six months before I actually broke down. He was murdered two months before my 11th birthday in late february 1981, my mother's jealously and lies causing his death at the hands of her older brother, and covered up with the small iowa county sheriff to make it look like he took his own life, who chased out a retired Portland homicide detective who was a friend of the family, he was warned if he wasn't gone by nightfall the same would happen to him, he split. He got it on tape and took it to the state police, but they just ignored it.