I believe that I'm being watched, or monitored now. I used to believe that there were hidden cameras everywhere but I do still think I'm being monitored in some way and that life, or at least my life, is some sort of experiment, or a game or some fucked up Matrix style shit, I lean more towards it being an experiment. They always know what I'm doing, probably even what I'm thinking. I just can't shake this feeling that I've had since I was around 10 years old (which seems to be when a lot of significant things happened) and it's only gotten worse.
I think my logical mind has kept me grounded, without it, if this is paranoia, I'm sure my mental state would be a lot worse. There are certain things that I feel so strongly are true but I know can't realistically be true.. but since I don't really know what's true to begin with, I need evidence and then I can act. But of course they're too smart to leave any real evidence, just enough clues to make me somewhat aware and piss me off.
Sometimes I worry that there's something I'm supposed to do be doing and then I'll instantly get out of this shit. I've wondered if I'm the last one to make it out and everyone else is in the real world waiting for me.
I might have already figured it out but since I refuse to act on it out of fear of being wrong and having to live with serious consequences, nothing changes. Or maybe I'm here for a purpose and everything's fucked because I've forgotten what I was supposed to be doing.
I feel like if I just did something drastic, it'd all be over... but I'm too much of a damn chicken. Plus, as I was saying, I don't have enough evidence. Although there are things that I cannot explain in any way other than this world was designed to fuck with me.. maybe it wasn't intended just for me specifically but I think that is what's happening now, whether or not it's happening to other people too, I don't know and probably never will.
This is weird to talk about, because I don't do that. This seems like a good enough place to stop anyway.
