Feeling run down
For some reason....all of last night through this morning has been a total deluge of negative thoughts. Thinking of bad memories....worries....embarassments...anything and everything bad. Usually when this occurs....I focus on realizing I don't have to think about any of that I just need to focus on having a peaceful sleep and it helps....but tonight my thoughts were like a hydra....I would shut down one....3 more pop up in its place....it was exhausting....my head literally feels tired and I feel tense and gross bc the awful thoughts will not turn off.
I had 2 nightmares I can remember last night. In the first....I went out to buy some treats for myself. Like a little thing of icecream and a drink. I get home....my mom starts interrogating me over what I have (she harasses me over food constantly to point where I have an eating disorder I am trying to recover from now). I was very firm with her and told her I had asked her not to comment at all on any food I had. My dad acted like I was being too harsh to her. Then he was mad at me because I had left without letting him know....and he had needed me and hadn't known where I was....I apologized in the dream but now it makes me feel mad bc it was more of him feeling entitled to me and my assistance with whatever....I am an adult I should not have to discuss all my comings and goings with them. But they do often interrogate me anyhow.
The second nightmare I had a whole nice day planned out for myself. My self-date ended up being crashed by some woman who seemed to be intellectually disabled or something....she was just not all there mentally....and kept talking my ear off and wanting to like hang off of me....I think I tried to be nice originally but I realized she was NOT going to leave....so I ended up snapping and saying I did NOT want her around me....she still continued to follow me around...but she stopped talking and just kept a distance....😓 ugh.
So yeah. Lots of nightmares of my boundaries being disregarded. No wonder I woke up still stressed 😞
I had 2 nightmares I can remember last night. In the first....I went out to buy some treats for myself. Like a little thing of icecream and a drink. I get home....my mom starts interrogating me over what I have (she harasses me over food constantly to point where I have an eating disorder I am trying to recover from now). I was very firm with her and told her I had asked her not to comment at all on any food I had. My dad acted like I was being too harsh to her. Then he was mad at me because I had left without letting him know....and he had needed me and hadn't known where I was....I apologized in the dream but now it makes me feel mad bc it was more of him feeling entitled to me and my assistance with whatever....I am an adult I should not have to discuss all my comings and goings with them. But they do often interrogate me anyhow.
The second nightmare I had a whole nice day planned out for myself. My self-date ended up being crashed by some woman who seemed to be intellectually disabled or something....she was just not all there mentally....and kept talking my ear off and wanting to like hang off of me....I think I tried to be nice originally but I realized she was NOT going to leave....so I ended up snapping and saying I did NOT want her around me....she still continued to follow me around...but she stopped talking and just kept a distance....😓 ugh.
So yeah. Lots of nightmares of my boundaries being disregarded. No wonder I woke up still stressed 😞
