Still depressed.
I really wanna get back to writing again. It’s like an outlet for me.
But I’ve been so depressed and lacking interest in doing anything since this job searching began.
It’s all I think about, it consumes my whole day and I’m scared that I’m not gonna be able to find a fix for it for a while.
I wanted to drink so I could call the damn place and push them about my application because I’m such a fucking wimp that I can’t do it without turning my anxiety off, but I can’t have alcohol because I’m on clonazepam. Which does absolutely nothing.
Sometimes I just wanna get lost in the words and I can’t because I’m too depressed.
I have never felt this low in my entire life. It has been the worst year of my life.
And I know it’s because my ex and I broke up, but I don’t know how to find a purpose again.
Something that makes me wanna get up every day to smile laugh someone, to talk to.
I realize I am very likely going to be alone for the rest of my life and even though I’m so depressed I’ve come to accept that.
Financially, I have been struggling for as long as I can remember I declared bankruptcy last year mainly due to vet bills and hospital bills. I have been in rehab since because I’m an alcoholic and now it’s back to being an adult and I feel so much anxiety about everything.
Years ago, I was in a car accident. I was hit from behind by someone who wasn’t paying attention and I lost my car over it and I didn’t get anything like any compensation. The guy didn’t have insurance that happened so many years ago and I feel like my anxiety of driving has only gotten worse. I used to have no problems with it but now I’m scared constantly that someone’s going to hit me.
And it makes it really hard to be a functioning adult.
I never realize how much my ex was keeping me afloat how much those last 10 years shaped who I was, and I felt like I lost myself completely when it was over.
No, I’m left to pick up the pieces and it’s hard when you’re alone.
I can’t believe I’m going to be 30 years old this month. I’m nowhere where I wanted to be in life.
There are no words that can really make me feel better. I have spent the last year feeling like this.
I looked to my brothers who made something of their lives and I look at myself and think I’m so crippled by my own anxiety that I’ve set myself up to be a complete failure and it hurts.
But I’ve been so depressed and lacking interest in doing anything since this job searching began.
It’s all I think about, it consumes my whole day and I’m scared that I’m not gonna be able to find a fix for it for a while.
I wanted to drink so I could call the damn place and push them about my application because I’m such a fucking wimp that I can’t do it without turning my anxiety off, but I can’t have alcohol because I’m on clonazepam. Which does absolutely nothing.
Sometimes I just wanna get lost in the words and I can’t because I’m too depressed.
I have never felt this low in my entire life. It has been the worst year of my life.
And I know it’s because my ex and I broke up, but I don’t know how to find a purpose again.
Something that makes me wanna get up every day to smile laugh someone, to talk to.
I realize I am very likely going to be alone for the rest of my life and even though I’m so depressed I’ve come to accept that.
Financially, I have been struggling for as long as I can remember I declared bankruptcy last year mainly due to vet bills and hospital bills. I have been in rehab since because I’m an alcoholic and now it’s back to being an adult and I feel so much anxiety about everything.
Years ago, I was in a car accident. I was hit from behind by someone who wasn’t paying attention and I lost my car over it and I didn’t get anything like any compensation. The guy didn’t have insurance that happened so many years ago and I feel like my anxiety of driving has only gotten worse. I used to have no problems with it but now I’m scared constantly that someone’s going to hit me.
And it makes it really hard to be a functioning adult.
I never realize how much my ex was keeping me afloat how much those last 10 years shaped who I was, and I felt like I lost myself completely when it was over.
No, I’m left to pick up the pieces and it’s hard when you’re alone.
I can’t believe I’m going to be 30 years old this month. I’m nowhere where I wanted to be in life.
There are no words that can really make me feel better. I have spent the last year feeling like this.
I looked to my brothers who made something of their lives and I look at myself and think I’m so crippled by my own anxiety that I’ve set myself up to be a complete failure and it hurts.
