Back To The Body Pillow Tonight

It's Friday night. I'd normally be at her place already, or maybe she'd be on her way to me. And since this Sunday, the 7th anniversary of the night we met, is going to apparently be riddled with more rain, I was hoping to take her out to celebrate tomorrow.

As of this Tuesday night, that's certainly not happening. And whereas last time she ended things with me, she reached out to me within 48 hours to talk things out with me, that hasn't happened this time.

I guess it's back to the body pillow for something to hold. I bought it a few weeks after my brother died seven years ago, in the immediate time period before she and I met. I loved it and wished on this very website that the pillow could hold me back.

Just two months later I met her and after a while she became the one to hold me back. It was beautiful, freeing, warm, protecting. And now that she decided she's done, that feeling of love and security is gone as well. And as an autistic person I absolutely feel exposed in other ways.

I loved her with all my heart. Just days ago she told me I would never lose her. And one major mistake on my part just made her change her mind like that.

So, back to the body pillow for something to hold. I'll pretend it's her for a while...