Birthdays are de pressing

I hate birthdays I've never had a big birthday celebration, it was clear as day as a child i wasnt well liked and my sister who is 5 months apart from me was showered in gifts, no shortage of friends, they did big decorations for her and next to nothing for me.
I knew from a very young age i was not to be celebrated, not in the way others were.

I get it. Birthdays are like Christmas, childish, stupid, and mean less as we age.
I could never even dream of a surprise party because, there is no one to invite.
The only friends i have, are the animals i made friends with along the way.
I will sit here alone like a ghost, probably order food and probably sleep.
Honestly given my mental state, im surprised i even made it this far, like genuinely, its been hell, another year of suffering, struggling, doom.
There is nothing to celebrate, the urge to get a dumbphone and go "off grid in my room" is looking very appetising about now.

Could be my last birthday and there's no telling if it is but this is depressing.
Another year on this hellish earth 🌎