I am ashamed of my depression

Ashamed to admit it
Ashamed to talk about it
Ashamed to say anything about it, thinking I'd drown people with it... that it'd be too much on them. Even online.
Ashamed of myself who could not ward off myself from it.
And I hate it. And I hate myself because of it.

I only percieve myself as a ray of sunshine and I cannot accept myself otherwise. I hold myself on high standards so when I steep this low I feel disgusted.

I am on antidepressants (yes, because I am ashamed of that I didn't tell a soul about it)... so there are good days... but days like today still exist. Those are nightmares.

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Pitchblue

I've been depressed forever. Went through alcohol and drugs like cocaine in an attempt to feel better. Have taken a dozen different antidepressants and went to counseling in a hospital for 3 months. Nothing really worked for me. The one thing I found that relieves depression is physical activity. I ran. Ran away from depression. I didn't think about it when I was running and felt better after. If you make some kind of physical activity a habit its something to be proud of.