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Am I a bad person?

I want to hurt people.
I've never acted on these thoughts. Of course not. It'd be idiotic to do so.
But the thoughts of just grabbing the first item I see and stabbing or hitting someone with it have been growing more and more frequent. Does that make me a danger to those around me? It's like intrusive thoughts, I suppose, so I may just be overreacting. But it still worries me how the urges apply even to those close around me. I just want to hurt something.

I went through a pretty bad SH period. I never knew why. I just had the urge to grab the knife and do it, so I did. I think I know now. The action of hurting someone was.. enjoyable. Even if it was myself.

I'm healing now. I'm a couple months clean. I don't want to do it again.
But the thoughts worry me. And I don't know what to do.
Do I need help? A therapist? An asylum, even?

I'd be lying if I said I haven't hurt someone before.
It wasn't serious. Just a kick. I was seven at the time, so of course I had done such a reckless action.
I was playfighting with two kids. I can't remember their relation to me. Friends? Family members?
One of them told me to just go ahead. He wouldn't get hurt. Me, being an idiot, did so.
And yes, it did hurt him.

I did feel guilty. That's good, right?
But I only felt guilty after I felt fear of getting in trouble. So I just hid in my room. I don't know if the adults found out what happened. I mean, I didn't exactly get yelled at or anything. It was never brought up.

I don't even know why I'm writing this here. I just don't feel safe telling anyone I know in real life.
I don't want to lose my friends. I hate to admit it, but I'm quite attached to the people I care about. Perhaps to an unhealthy extent.

But if someone could help me understand these thoughts, these urges, maybe reassure me that I'm just overreacting, I'd appreciate it.
Thanks for taking the time to read everything, stranger.
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You should try very, very hard to get help, seriously. If you’ve already hurt people, you’re a danger. And you risk really harming someone, and possibly going to prison, with life-changing consequences. It’s not something to take lightly. Others are praising you for being honest, so in that spirit I believe you and am being equally candid. Get counseling. 🥺
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@basilfawlty89 Sorry, but I can see it from the side of someone who doesn’t like hurting people but has encountered those who, for whatever reason, do.

If you’re that self-aware, which is a good thing, the next step is to seek help.
Myriad · C
@bijouxbroussard Thank you ❤
I'm working on getting a counsellor.
basilfawlty89 · 36-40, M
@bijouxbroussard I understand.
I come from a family where domestic abuse occurred.
I also know my own disorder though.
The prevailing opinion of psychiatrists and clinical psychologists is that if it's OCD, the probably of someone acting on intrusive violent thoughts is virtually nil.

I really recommend people learn more about OCD. It's not all hand washing and cleaning.