The thing that triggered an anxiety attack:

Saw two coworkers strolling side by side at work. The sight really hit me....the fact that they get along....the fact that they are at least a bit well liked enough to be able to publically display that they are "work friends".
No one likes to talk to me when other co-workers are around. They better not be caught talking to me. Because it's against the unspoken rules. Everyone must abide by it. Talking to me will turn them into a laughingstock as well. They'll be teased about it forever. It will become sort of a stain on their professional image.

How do I always end up like this.....

I wish I was someone else.

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elafina · 36-40, F

Become that someone else. It's you, you just need to work with your limiting beliefs.
Pick one. This "others don't like me".
Turn that around. You can begin by slowly changing your language.
"This situation is slowly improving for me".
Do not deny your truth.
But once you've seen your truth and recognising that it's not serving you and you are feeling that, you'd like to change it..
Begin now. Change your narrative slowly, day by day. Continue the work. Fail and get back, COMMIT to change it. Put a time. Look at it at the end of each month.
I love you ❤️ for whatever that might bring. I see you. I accept who you are fully, with your imperfections and with all the badass crazy skillset of charms that I see hidden within you.
You'll get it.
Me too, I'm a work in progress. But don't give up...chin up (literally!!!)

assemblingaknob · 26-30, F

@elafina thank you elafina. Means a whole lot to me.
I'm also a work in progress.