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what are the perks of joining a monastery?

I'm not religious, but I might as well become a monk by now
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Jayciedubb · 56-60, M
Here's a story that might help:

A 21 year old virgin man decided it was time to settle down and and get married but he wanted to be sure that his bride was also a virgin.

He searched high and low for the perfect bride but failed to find a suitable virgin. Determined, he concluded that the only way he was going to be able to find a virgin to marry him was to adopt a young girl and have her raised by monks in a monastery until she was of legal age to Wed. Meanwhile he would abstain from having sex as well, and focus on working hard for their future..

So he adopts an eight-year-old girl at a nearby orphanage and drops her off at the monastery and goes on about his life for ten long years. Working hard day and night with only one thing on his mind the whole time, his wedding night and marriage consummation.

Finally the Ten long years pass. So he goes to the monastery to pick up his bride to be, then down to the courthouse for a quick marriage and off to the honeymoon they go. He's laying on top of her in bed just about to put it in when he remembers some advice he got from a co-worker, so he reaches over the nightstand and grabbed a jar of Vaseline. Curious , the bride asks , what's that for? The groom replies I'm going to apply some to the tip of my penis so I don't hurt you so bad when I enter. Her curious look turned into one of confusion then she asked , why don't you just spit on it like the monks do?

Ok, so things didn't really go so well for the protagonist, but the monks did ok, huh?

Nooooo! sex with a minor is never ok