I want to kill myself

There are other occupations out there. There are also a lot of very different elements that decide how much a performer brings in. Comparing yourself to others can be healthy and deciding about goals. But if comparing yourself to others is just demoralizing, try to remember that everything worth doing builds you up and points you in the direction you want to go. If you're not happy at work, look for something else and cut yourself some slack. I've seen others point this out, it takes tremendous courage to put your body on display. You are probably stronger than you think you are.