Did you really think things were going to be different?

I often ruminate over my past: the lost hopes, broken dreams frustrations, heartbreaks, traumas, mistakes, and the few special moments. I'm trying to make sense of it all; to put it all into some kind of order, theme, meaning, narrative, etc. Maybe even create some kind of connection between my past and present and future. This seems to be a fruitless endeavor though.

I sit here going over the past so much, that I'm not completely in the present. Some things I cannot get over, and so they perpetually circle around my mind, while my life circles around the drain, like old, dirty water.

Anyway, sorry for sounding so negative.