I Battle Depression

Hello me again i haven't felt this bad in a few months i don't know what to do anymore my life seems hopeless i can't see any way for it to get better i keep thinking about it and all i see is myself alone in this house sitting alone in a dark room on my computer wishing it would all stop wishing to die to have my existence erased from everyone's memory so at least my death wouldn't cause anyone any pain if there was a way to do this i would take it right away i only stay because i know what my suicide would do to the people around me so i sit here hoping someone or something would kill me i can't take living anymore it just hurts so dam much i don't know what to do i wish i could trade my life to someone else more deserving more wanting of it than me i don't want to feel like this anymore its so horrible i need it to stop please i just need someone to make it stop i would take whatever torture if it meant i don't have to go another day alone feeling like this no one should have to feel like this all the time

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Peaceful · F

Do you have someone in your personal life you can talk to? Have you considered seeing a doctor? Why do you think you feel so depressed. I'm sorry you feel this way.

Confusedasf · 31-35, M

I have a good friend in the uk i talk to on xbox but his grandparent just passed and he just had a kid i can't bother him with my crap again he's my bestfriend and i don't want to hurt him anymore than i have in the past with my mood i can't bare loose him i would do anything to protect him he is like family to me i went to the doctors they just wanted to medicate me and i have seen others on meds they are like zombies they don't get any better they just get their minds numbed i don't want that i tried anti anxity meds they didn't help just made me really nauseous so i stopped. And thanks for reading and replying to me

Peaceful · F

Why do you think you feel so depressed? And I understand about the meds, but sometimes a low dose of something could give you a boost out of these feelings. Then once you learned better coping skills, you could slowly ween off the med. @Confusedasf:

Confusedasf · 31-35, M

Because i will never have a partner i will always be alone i find it nearly impossible to go outside anymore i haven't left my house in weeks i have messed up teeth and i am not really attractive have no job left school early because i couldn't be around people i have nothing to offer anyone i am 25 and i have never even kissed anyone i feel so pathetic to be honest i usually can just hide from these feeling but lately i can't i dont even like playing games anymore they stopped working as a distraction the thoughts just keep cming

Peaceful · F

@Confusedasf: teeth can be fixed. But I'm more concerned with how are you going to pay your bills? Your depth of depression is really concerning to me. Please seek a trusted dr and share your concerns of meds. But please get help.

Confusedasf · 31-35, M

@Peaceful: Mine are at the stage where they have to be taken out not all but a good few i get a sick payment which covers my bills i don't use much so my bills are small and Thank you for taking the time to reply to me

Peaceful · F

@Confusedasf: you can get dental implants. They have come a long way with teeth. But as much as I don't care for meds, I really feel like you need something temporarily to give you a boost.

Confusedasf · 31-35, M

@Peaceful: I've smoke weed it helps for a few hours lets me relax for a bit i won't take meds i just can't end up like that like a zombie but thank you i actually feel a bit better.