I Battle Self-hatred, Anxiety, And Depression

I was with the most loving, selfless, beautiful woman who I was proud to call my wife. My self hatred led to depression and anger. Fear of not being good enough. Why would she want to be with me? I’m fat, ugly, and stupid. I don’t want to go out I’m no fun. Of course she’s cheating on me! I gave into that anger and it cost me my marriage. I worked on myself and a wonderful thing happened 4 years later she came back into my life. She loves me so much and I know she does. I want to do everything differently but there’s a problem. That dark shadow is lurking in the corner again and it’s scaring me.