I Fight Depression and Loneliness Everyday
I know about fighting depression and loneliness. A few of my close friends died and some moved far away. I was forced to retire from my job this losing a whole world of friends, contacts and meaningful work.
My car died permanently and then I had NO transportation for a couple of years. I became sick and I have no family. I was desperate for company and help. No one responded to my pleas for help; one person even yelled at me over the phone because I was sick with a 102 degree fever and was incoherent as I tried to explain what was wrong. Another long time friend did not respond when I begged and pleaded for company "even for an hour." Finally she said, "All right. I can give you fifteen minutes." And she showed up two days later, was dismissive of my pain, sickness, confusion and loneliness and timed the visit for exactly 15 minutes on her watch.
I am recovering physically, thank God. It is a slow recovery; two steps forward, one step back. Trying to make new friends and create a whole new social world for myself at age 71 living in a new town.
I know I must irritate and bore my niece when she talks to me on the phone though she says she really loves me but is just too stressed and busy to call more often.
My doctors and nurses at Kaiser treat me like I'm already dead, telling me there is no hope in improving any of my conditions and I should get a walker, a hearing aid and move into a nursing home. I made the mistake of considering it and wound up on a list and now, in spite of all protests, I get sales calls from cheerful militant determined sales people trying to sell me on going into a home.
It feels like the whole world wants me to just give up and cave in to loneliness and a very restrictive life.
I am living in a rented room. It's in a nice house with a pool I swim in for at least an hour a day though it's not a heated pool so I can't swim in it during the winter. I am slowly getting healthier and regaining strength and energy. But my recovery has been very slow.
Against a Kaiser nurse's prediction, I am walking again.
Financially, I am fighting a battle; dental bills (I've gone over my otherwise excellent dental insurance this year), car payments (cannot live without transportation again), moving expenses have all taken their toll.
Prayer helps a lot. Going to church helps. One friend who lives nearby finds time for me every week or so.
I will drive the four hour drive to visit a close friend when I am well enough; right now, I can only drive for about an hour, maximum.
I have a garden. I just finished a rough draft of my career memoirs about the ten years I spent working as a teacher in a state mental hospital for the criminally insane.
So...I cope. But some days and some nights are hard.
This lonely struggle is nothing like what I pictured when I planned my retirement. Loss of my savings (bad business decision), loss of my friends through death or distance, loss of my health...it's all been like a bad dream.
I am still fighting for my health, my sanity, a social world and a decent quality of life. I've made a little progress and, God willing, I will make more and maybe I will realize some of the dreams I had when I retired.
My car died permanently and then I had NO transportation for a couple of years. I became sick and I have no family. I was desperate for company and help. No one responded to my pleas for help; one person even yelled at me over the phone because I was sick with a 102 degree fever and was incoherent as I tried to explain what was wrong. Another long time friend did not respond when I begged and pleaded for company "even for an hour." Finally she said, "All right. I can give you fifteen minutes." And she showed up two days later, was dismissive of my pain, sickness, confusion and loneliness and timed the visit for exactly 15 minutes on her watch.
I am recovering physically, thank God. It is a slow recovery; two steps forward, one step back. Trying to make new friends and create a whole new social world for myself at age 71 living in a new town.
I know I must irritate and bore my niece when she talks to me on the phone though she says she really loves me but is just too stressed and busy to call more often.
My doctors and nurses at Kaiser treat me like I'm already dead, telling me there is no hope in improving any of my conditions and I should get a walker, a hearing aid and move into a nursing home. I made the mistake of considering it and wound up on a list and now, in spite of all protests, I get sales calls from cheerful militant determined sales people trying to sell me on going into a home.
It feels like the whole world wants me to just give up and cave in to loneliness and a very restrictive life.
I am living in a rented room. It's in a nice house with a pool I swim in for at least an hour a day though it's not a heated pool so I can't swim in it during the winter. I am slowly getting healthier and regaining strength and energy. But my recovery has been very slow.
Against a Kaiser nurse's prediction, I am walking again.
Financially, I am fighting a battle; dental bills (I've gone over my otherwise excellent dental insurance this year), car payments (cannot live without transportation again), moving expenses have all taken their toll.
Prayer helps a lot. Going to church helps. One friend who lives nearby finds time for me every week or so.
I will drive the four hour drive to visit a close friend when I am well enough; right now, I can only drive for about an hour, maximum.
I have a garden. I just finished a rough draft of my career memoirs about the ten years I spent working as a teacher in a state mental hospital for the criminally insane.
So...I cope. But some days and some nights are hard.
This lonely struggle is nothing like what I pictured when I planned my retirement. Loss of my savings (bad business decision), loss of my friends through death or distance, loss of my health...it's all been like a bad dream.
I am still fighting for my health, my sanity, a social world and a decent quality of life. I've made a little progress and, God willing, I will make more and maybe I will realize some of the dreams I had when I retired.
70-79, F
