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MarkPaul · 26-30, M
Sadly, you create a relatable landscape of which I am familiar. As you most likely already know, there are no off-the-shelf answers for people like us. Our path is one that is solitary that is either off the beaten one or one that has been abandoned because it is so lonely. And, we each seem to be traveling it at different times so we never seem to run into each other at the same time, unless virtually which never seems to be satisfying enough.
It's difficult to know if your description of what you see is ahead of where I am or past where I have been. All I have figured out, so far, is the only sane thing we can do is to keep moving forward, no matter how much we might want to re-track our steps in an effort to capture lost moments. Life doesn't work that way though and our path doesn't permit it anyway. I'm sure you already know that.
For me... I see a signpost up ahead. It might be one you have already seen and passed or it could be one you haven't reached yet. I guess it's possible we could reach it at the same time. It doesn't much matter as long as we keep heading to it and the next one... and the next one after that one.
Good luck on your continuing journey. If I do see you, I will say hi. I hope you will do the same.
It's difficult to know if your description of what you see is ahead of where I am or past where I have been. All I have figured out, so far, is the only sane thing we can do is to keep moving forward, no matter how much we might want to re-track our steps in an effort to capture lost moments. Life doesn't work that way though and our path doesn't permit it anyway. I'm sure you already know that.
For me... I see a signpost up ahead. It might be one you have already seen and passed or it could be one you haven't reached yet. I guess it's possible we could reach it at the same time. It doesn't much matter as long as we keep heading to it and the next one... and the next one after that one.
Good luck on your continuing journey. If I do see you, I will say hi. I hope you will do the same.
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MarkPaul · 26-30, M
@amemoryforgotten Wow... I distinctly remember that episode as well. Except... I remember feeling sad (in an entertained way) when I heard Nurse Jackie saying those things that made sense and seemed like good advice as she continued to increase her reliance and self-denial on using narcotics just to get through the day.
amemoryforgotten · 36-40, M
@MarkPaul It seemed like she earnestly believed them despite her drug use. That was the message for me. It felt like a truth I needed to hear. Interesting that you remember it as well.
MarkPaul · 26-30, M
@amemoryforgotten Yeah... that was the power of the show, the writing, and the acting. I loved that show! She DID earnestly believe in what she was saying. That's why I reacted with sadness, I think. I didn't doubt her sincerity... and I felt it... and I believed her. But, as the audience, we also knew the secret she was keeping that made her sincerity less than complete. I guess, I related most to that episode and particularly that scene in that context.
One of my recent revelations about myself is that like Jackie, I haven't been totally honest with myself. And, if there was an audience watching me, they would know my sincerity, but they would also know my self-deception. And, I think that's part of my problem and part of the problem that her character was infused with. I think that's why that was such a powerful moment in the arc of the show for me and really magnified her main issue.
It wasn't that she was a bad mother or even a bad person. It wasn't that she didn't know what to do or how to be responsible. It was that she was deceiving herself the whole time even when she was giving out genuinely good advice. In her case, the deception she was living with fortified her... until it didn't. I don't want to end up like her (although self-deception is part of my problem; narcotics or addiction is not).
One of my recent revelations about myself is that like Jackie, I haven't been totally honest with myself. And, if there was an audience watching me, they would know my sincerity, but they would also know my self-deception. And, I think that's part of my problem and part of the problem that her character was infused with. I think that's why that was such a powerful moment in the arc of the show for me and really magnified her main issue.
It wasn't that she was a bad mother or even a bad person. It wasn't that she didn't know what to do or how to be responsible. It was that she was deceiving herself the whole time even when she was giving out genuinely good advice. In her case, the deception she was living with fortified her... until it didn't. I don't want to end up like her (although self-deception is part of my problem; narcotics or addiction is not).
SmileSunshine · 31-35, F
That was beautiful! Life is about progress in the process. Rejoice in those moments where you took a step forward...tell yourself it’s okay when you take a step back. Ultimately ask yourself...how do you want others to show love to you, I think it’s different for everyone. Some things might be similar but everyone’s love language is a bit different. You my friend have given so much effort...this can continue to be a safe place for you to reach out! 💞 don’t lose hope. Faith in the small accomplishments will get you through.
amemoryforgotten · 36-40, M
@SmileSunshine Thank you for your thoughtful response. I needed to vent. I haven't had an opportunity to write out what I felt for a while because I have been so busy and so much is happening. But I appreciate the advice. Rejoice is a great word and action. Steps forward are always a great achievement.
SmileSunshine · 31-35, F
Very wise. I think writing is a direct way of releasing how we’re feeling. I’m glad you found some time to vent! Super important!!! @amemoryforgotten