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I Battle Depression

When you grow up wearing your heart on your sleeve, it doesn't take long for the wounds to mount up and for the scars to form. Part of that opened me up to experiencing depression for the first time as a young child and it's been with me in some form or another ever since.

Depression at it's worst is like being locked away in your own personal hell, where your mind becomes the devil torturing you for what seems like an eternity. Finding your way out becomes a hopeless cause and you're only relief is what little sleep you can manage to find, waking up only to continue the endless nightmare. Eventually the grip loosens and you're set free, but only to take a breath of fresh air and feel peace or contentment for a moment before you're dragged back into it again.

All too often people confuse depression for a passing sadness that last maybe a few days. Depression is unrelenting and stays with you for weeks to months on end and it takes something special to help you escape it. It takes hard work and a combination of different therapies to overcome it and even then, you can still fall back into it.

I'm one of the fortunate ones that has gone from being hospitalised due to it, to being able to live my life with some success on a daily basis, while still living with the trail end of a lingering mild depression. I remain optimistic, still having hope and faith that I will one day be completely free of it and that I can see the world for being the glorious place that it is despite all the darkness that we all have to deal with in some way or another.

If you ever doubt that the world is truly beautiful, then maybe this music video will demonstrate some of that to you -
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV-hSgL1R74]
SolitaryFriend · 41-45, M
@JaggedLittlePill - It sort of just happened to me; I wasn't looking to put those walls up exactly, because you miss out on a lot in life when your heart is not as in it as it used to be. I think it also depends on the person whether it's capable of happening or not. Some people just feel too deeply and can't stop the flow of those emotions. I can can completely understand wanting to feel the security of being sealed up though.
WildHeart · 41-45, F
Thank you for sharing these thoughts. I always knew the hell I go through in my own mind was not healthy nor was it normal. Nevertheless I face it head on daily. There are times when I relapse hating life but mostly I try to remain optimistic and welcome a new day hiding this darkness that has now become my a part of me. I'm not stressing over this feeling anymore I've accepted it
SolitaryFriend · 41-45, M
@Kryptonite - Sorry for the late reply on this, I missed the notification. It sounds like you're doing the best you can given what you struggle with and that's something to be proud of. I'm sure the more you work with it, you'll move beyond acceptance and conquer that darkness.
JaggedLittlePill · 46-50, F
I have often wished I could pull the heart off my sleeve and build large thick walls.

I try...and fail.
tenente · 100+, M
find comfort soon bruh

 
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