I Battle Depression

I finally feel like I have some self-confidence again, that I know I'm not as bad looking or useless as I've felt for all these years. That I've allowed myself to say sorry for things I didn't really do in order to keep people around. To admit to being at fault to not be alone. I've been riding a high lately, and I know the truth about lots of things. I know that I'm not perfect and I did and said things that weren't alright. But I also know what the truth is, and that at the very least, I'm not delusional. I know what I was. But I also know what I won't be anymore. I know this will fluctuate, but I'm holding onto this feeling. Life will get better. While I consider myself to be lucky when I find the girl for me, I'm finally starting to accept that she'll be lucky to have me in her life too. I need to realize that I'm not the pile of trash I've spent so long convincing myself I am. With that, I also stop taking manipulations I was too weak to resist or stay away from. I'm stronger now, and I see you for what you are. I see you all for what you were to me; I'll sit here and wish you well, while I turn my back and raise my middle finger up high for the way you treated me. I don't wish you anything bad in life, but I know until you decide to acknowledge your own faults, you'll be miserable. I'll be happy, having spent years tearing myself down mentally, learning who I am, why I operate how I do. I've knocked my opinion of myself so low, so unrealistically low, I settled for anything I could take.

Not anymore. I deserve more. I deserve to get as much as I'm willing to give. Feeling confident in that doesn't make me vain or boastful. I love me. I wouldn't change me. Everything has led me here, and I'm done waiting for it to come. I'm grabbing it. And I'm leaving you behind.