I Often Feel Like Depression Has Me Not That I Have Depression

After having had depression for years I am finally starting to recover. I have learned that it is very difficult to tell where it ends and I begin and some theorize that personality and mental illness are the same thing. This does makes sense as beating depression does not feel like getting cured or getting rid of something. Beating depression has been about becoming a different person. A stronger, tougher, smarter person. It's been about learning how to fight - every day - the parts of myself that just want to destroy me.

There is a part of me that believes nothing in life is worth the cost and that I will never be strong enough to truly live. I have learned that I can fight and I can be strong and I can be happy in this world and meaning is found in the struggle of fighting back. To live is to fight and to be content in life is to find meaning in the fight.

I might always have depression. I might always walk with the black dog hot on my heels gnawing away at me with my deep seated fears and insecurities. I know that there is so much more then the black pit that depression shows me. I don't have to give in to the worst parts of myself. I can make myself a better person.