I Have Ptsd, Depression and Anxiety

Look In My Eyes... do they know? Do they know her pain? Can they tell how much pain she is in by looking in her eyes? Can they see her demons? Can they see how they mock her? Can they see her shaking? She is terrified. Her whole world is crashing down. Its the worst feeling in the world knowing that anyone you ever depended on can forget you. Its very unfortunate when your dreams are in ashes on the floor. They don't see her pain. They only see her mask, her substitute, her "American Doll." All pretty and made-up; fake. They don't see her cry at night, or the tears that flow down her face so fast they almost end up drowning her. She wants them to know her pain, but doesnt want to be a bother to others. She is not worthy enough. She is scared of this world we have to call "home."
Why does her heart beat so fast? Why does she get so scared whenever someone gets close to her? It doesn't last. Happiness never does for her. Her life is a tornado, crashing and tearing up everything in its path for no reason and she doesnt mean to. She is so sorry. She is sorry for being so negative, for she doesnt know any other way to be. She is terrified of the world and everyone in it. Everyday is a struggle for her. She wants it to stop, she wants it to end. Please make it stop. Her world is so dark. She just wants people to understand. But sometimes she wonders, if people ever will.......

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wayupnorthincanada

Hi danielle18. I assume when you say her, you're referring to yourself.

Though no one can truly and completely understand everything about what you're going through, you're in a place where like minds do exist.

I've done the part of putting on the face, I'm no American Doll but I put on a smile for everyone. Perhaps what we need to do is know when to take the face off. Let our parents, siblings, medical doctors, and close friends know how much we hurt.

You've taken the American Doll face off here at E.P. , and that's a good start. People won't know that we hurt often if we don't tell them.

Are you seeing a doctor? Who do you have a really good relationship with? There has to be at least one person.

Keep letting it out. I found that group therapy helped alot. E.P. is great but often we need to talk with real people.

Take good care of yourself. *hugs*

danielle1888 · 26-30, F

Thanks for the comment :) This is the best way I can express myself

StarHP

This is how I feel about myself. I would just say don't beat yourself up too much. Change what you can and leave the rest to people who will love you unconditionally. Don't stop searching till you find those people.

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