I Have Depression, Anxiety, and Self-mutilation Issues

Screaming... The monster yelled at her. Told her she was nothing. Reminded her of what she was. He told her she was sneaky. She had no choice but to listen. She heard nothing but his voice drilling into her ears. She doesn't understand why the whole world is being sucked into a cave. Burning hopes and dreams. Actually trying to make her believe she is worth something. She is nothing special. Look at her. Pitiful. She is 4ft of failure. No one loves her. She is being tossed around like a rag doll and used like a piece of meat. Constantly being told what to do and looked at like she doesn't belong. They are right. She doesnt' belong. She is not ready for this world. Not ready for anything. The world has shown her that no one is nice, and that you can't trust anyone. There are no nice people in this world. Maybe one or two, but eventually they will turn their back on her too. She can't be scared anymore. If she is scared, the world and the monster will use that to their advantage. So she has to show no emotion. She has to show it at home, where she is alone. Where no one can judge her. She can cry and scream all she wants, and then sleep the day away, or hide for the rest of the day in the bathroom. The only place where she has complete sanity. But that sanity can only last so long. She's dreaming now. She is walking very very late at night in the woods. She is walking towards a cliff. She is standing on the edge of a cliff so that she can get a view of what is below. She looks down to see a dark blue lake. She knows that the water is so cold and she doesn't know where she is or where the lake will lead. She leans over and shift her body weight over the cliff and lets go. She can feel the wind flying through her hair as she falls straight down. She can hear the whistling of the wind in her ears and as soon as she hits the water, she opens her eyes and gasps. She woke up on the bathroom floor.