I Battle Depression

I have the worst story to tell u. I am 20 and I have been messing around with a guy for a while and he is 23 and has two little Boys and a gf. a few days before my 20th bday I found out I was pregnant. my dad found out on my 20th bday which was the 11th. I got yelled at for days and I got talked into having an abortion. I am completely against abortion. to me it is murder. I have been crying the past few days and my dad woke me up this morning and said I can take the car to work this week but next week I am going to have to find another way to work because I won't have the car anymore. when my dad found out on my birthday he said that if I was going to chose to have the baby I can't stay in his house. so I ran away and slept in a motel over night and had dad pick me up in the morning. I am extremely suicidal right now, the pain I feel in my heart is without a doubt the worst pain I have ever been in, in my life. all I want to do is die. please no judgment because honestly I can't take anymore. I just wanted to tell u this because my dad doesn't understand my feelings for him and I don't know what else to do.