I Fight Depression and Loneliness Everyday

I don't remember or maybe I don't know who I am "without" depression... It seems that being depressed has become a part of me, of my past, my present and future. It seems that depression turned out to be an addiction, sometimes when I feel good, I wonder why I'm not feeling depressed again.

This fight is getting harder, during my EP years, I knew I could deal better with my mood oscillations, however, it's been one year that I have been drowning myself in this sea of loneliness and depression. I feel difficulties in knowing what is dream and what is real, I can't sleep properly and I feel extremely hopeless.
I don't see good things for my future, things are falling apart and I feel like I'm losing the will to fight against it.

I feel so unlovable that I don't think that there's a solution for this. I just don't know what to do anymore. If it was in the past, I would be here complaining that I have no one to talk with, but even if I do have people to talk, they don't seem to care, nor give any importance to my feelings.

I just don't know what to do to feel better. And I do want to feel better, or maybe I just don't.

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SW-User

I'm sorry to hear that you feel so bad. I think part of the problem with others is that society is told that you should hang around with happy and positive people and avoid unhappy and negative ones. So then they come across someone who's depressed and they automatically stay away. This only makes a depressed person feel more depressed and unloved, so I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with this especially the lack of sleep. Anxiety and depression - even mildly really affect sleep, which in turn makes anxiety and depression worse. I know as I suffered with it for a couple of years and it's a difficult cycle to break and often you need some help from someone you trust to do that. But finding that person is hard when people are taught to mix with happy and positive people. I wish I could help more or offer more advice, but I do understand how you feel but it can get better.

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SW-User

@PoisonGirrrl If you need some one to talk to anytime I'm always happy to :) It is possible to get through it with nobody to help or to trust. I mostly have from necessity, but it's a huge effort but it's possible. The hard part is that you have to some how mentally, emotionally and physically overcome your bodies chemistry and hormones working against you which wants to keep you in this state. I did it through diet and exercise, reducing stress that most people find doesn't bother them or call you weak for not coping with, working out how to sleep better (which was really hard) and avoiding people that I found to be negative. So you've probably come across those. They're the ones that treat you with cliche's like, "you need to just pull yourself together", or "man up" (even if your a woman lol), "suck it up and deal with it", "life isn't meant to be easy", "being alone is so great, you are so lucky" (said by someone who's cuddling their kids or going home to a family of five). So they are supposed to be positive influences but they aren't, so I avoided those and just tried to find people who understood my real issues. And you're definitely not a weirdo, you'd be surprised at how many people go through stuff like this. You will get better but it's not as fast as we'd like and requires some inner strength that often those that tell you how tough they are don't actually have.

PoisonGirrrl · 31-35, F

@SW-User Thank you for your availability.
I guess I've been trying to do this my whole life, getting through it without anyone's help.
I see, I was working out regularly and I felt better, indeed. But my brain has been my worst enemy lately.
Oh yes, the cliches and the ability of people of underestimating other's problems.
It is indeed important to have people who understand those mind issues.
I just need to find a way to feel good about myself and with myself, but I guess that my current situation hasn't been helping very much. So it's a vortex of chaos and it seems that there's no turning back.

SW-User

@PoisonGirrrl I think you're right, there's no turning back, we can only move forward by working out how to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. I'm always looking for ideas on that one.

Alexandru1990 · 31-35, M

Me to for many many years i am in a big depression

PoisonGirrrl · 31-35, F

@Alexandru1990 Sorry to hear that, I hope things get better for you. :-)

Alexandru1990 · 31-35, M

Maybe

mhuman · 36-40, M

🦋HUG

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