I Am Bi Polar With Major Depression
I always thought it was my hormones. I am finally past that, blaming my hormones. It may have started there but my mind gave the rest a whole life of its own. I know my hormones are not bad right now and I think I have finally hit menopause although I may be a little young for that I am not going to complain because my hormones made my life a living hell at times.
The thing is I still think about death and ending this charade of a life I live or pretend to live. Don't get me wrong I get enjoyment out of my life, I do things I enjoy. I just, in a very general sense, don't see the point in doing this day in and day out. The whole thing, working, sleeping, etc. in the end it seems like a moot point that I can't wrap my mind around.
I tried religion and that always left my mind boggled as to why someone with such a superior existence would waste their time concerning themselves with the likes of mankind. Someone told me love in answer to that once but even love is a choice one makes so that runs off the page for me to.
I want to know how people get up everyday, and want to live. That may seem strange, perhaps even unheard of but I can't seem to find the desire to want to everyday. I do, I have special people in my life that I love and whom love me, I am not just a worthless piece of crap not doing anything with my life, I have graduated from college and blah blah blah. It just doesn't really mean all that much to me and in the end it will not get me anywhere.
The thing is I still think about death and ending this charade of a life I live or pretend to live. Don't get me wrong I get enjoyment out of my life, I do things I enjoy. I just, in a very general sense, don't see the point in doing this day in and day out. The whole thing, working, sleeping, etc. in the end it seems like a moot point that I can't wrap my mind around.
I tried religion and that always left my mind boggled as to why someone with such a superior existence would waste their time concerning themselves with the likes of mankind. Someone told me love in answer to that once but even love is a choice one makes so that runs off the page for me to.
I want to know how people get up everyday, and want to live. That may seem strange, perhaps even unheard of but I can't seem to find the desire to want to everyday. I do, I have special people in my life that I love and whom love me, I am not just a worthless piece of crap not doing anything with my life, I have graduated from college and blah blah blah. It just doesn't really mean all that much to me and in the end it will not get me anywhere.
