I Am Depressed

Today my childhood dream was crushed. Today I broke again. My heart was shattered. None of the methods I use to suppress my depression or anxiety issues worked. The thoughts rushed to my head all at once. I felt sick. I didn’t want to live, still don’t. I feel like a failure. I feel I have no purpose. I feel alone. I feel dead. I feel like dying. The suicidal thoughts are back stronger than ever. I’m 3 years clean and I held a razor to my skin again. Just the desire to watch the blood leave my body. I didn’t do it, but I’m afraid of how close I am again. One more thing to trigger me and I might start. I’m afraid. I’m giving in, I’m telling someone in my family because I have decided I need help. If I do t get help, I don’t know how much longer I’ll make it.