I Battle Depression and Anxiety
It's hard to explain anxiety to someone. It's even harder to explain what goes on in my head. What I feel, how it feels.
Shit, I sometimes don't even know what I'm feeling. Just an overwhelming amount of pain
I am manic depressive, I have ptsd, adhd and anxiety.
I don't like to tell people about this though, because I'm not proud of it. In fact, it ruins my whole entire life. It effects me every single day, some days are better and some days are worse. And there are so many things I feel that I don't even know where to start.
My anxiety
Is constantly worrying about what others think of me. Even if I've never spoken to them or know their names for that matter.
Every day I work, I see people glance at me, and immediately I feel self conscious. And 100 different thoughts crash over me like a giant wave.
My anxiety
Is Always feeling like I'm not good enough. That I will always fail. No matter how hard I try.
My anxiety
Makes me feel like I'm always a disappointment to everyone, especially myself.
My anxiety
Won't believe anything anyone tells me. Even if I really want to.
My anxiety
Has given me a fear to look anyone in the eyes.
My anxiety
Puts me in a mind numbing state at times. Where I can no longer control myself. And feel like my whole body is clenching itself. Like im desperately trying to grasp back into reality.
My anxiety
Makes me feel like I'm trapped between two walls, that are slowly closing in on me. Making my chest feel like it's being crushed, making it harder and harder to breathe.
My anxiety
Makes me fidget. Tapping my hands on my legs. Twisting my hair, shaking my legs, biting my nails and constantly rocking back and forth because it feels impossible to sit still.
My anxiety
Makes every single thing feel impossible. Every simple thing, when I have an anxiety attack. Becomes the most difficult thing in the world.. and makes everything worse, makes every second feel like minutes and every minute feel like hours. Because I can't escape my head. I can't escape the dark shadow of my conscience, that voice in my head that tells me "you're so pathetic" "you're not good enough" "you're just bothering everyone with your bullshit" "no one cares" "your weak" "you can never do anything right"
Because
My anxiety is a dark shadow
My anxiety is crippling
My anxiety is neverending
My depression is gasoline
And my anxiety is fire.
And I ask myself every single day.
Why me.
Why did it have to be me.
What did I do to deserve this pain.
Why am I like this
Why can't I be normal
Why is everything so hard
When I just want to feel okay. Be okay. Feel like a normal person.
My anxiety makes me feel like I'm drowning. And my depression are the cinder block weights pulling me down.
Shit, I sometimes don't even know what I'm feeling. Just an overwhelming amount of pain
I am manic depressive, I have ptsd, adhd and anxiety.
I don't like to tell people about this though, because I'm not proud of it. In fact, it ruins my whole entire life. It effects me every single day, some days are better and some days are worse. And there are so many things I feel that I don't even know where to start.
My anxiety
Is constantly worrying about what others think of me. Even if I've never spoken to them or know their names for that matter.
Every day I work, I see people glance at me, and immediately I feel self conscious. And 100 different thoughts crash over me like a giant wave.
My anxiety
Is Always feeling like I'm not good enough. That I will always fail. No matter how hard I try.
My anxiety
Makes me feel like I'm always a disappointment to everyone, especially myself.
My anxiety
Won't believe anything anyone tells me. Even if I really want to.
My anxiety
Has given me a fear to look anyone in the eyes.
My anxiety
Puts me in a mind numbing state at times. Where I can no longer control myself. And feel like my whole body is clenching itself. Like im desperately trying to grasp back into reality.
My anxiety
Makes me feel like I'm trapped between two walls, that are slowly closing in on me. Making my chest feel like it's being crushed, making it harder and harder to breathe.
My anxiety
Makes me fidget. Tapping my hands on my legs. Twisting my hair, shaking my legs, biting my nails and constantly rocking back and forth because it feels impossible to sit still.
My anxiety
Makes every single thing feel impossible. Every simple thing, when I have an anxiety attack. Becomes the most difficult thing in the world.. and makes everything worse, makes every second feel like minutes and every minute feel like hours. Because I can't escape my head. I can't escape the dark shadow of my conscience, that voice in my head that tells me "you're so pathetic" "you're not good enough" "you're just bothering everyone with your bullshit" "no one cares" "your weak" "you can never do anything right"
Because
My anxiety is a dark shadow
My anxiety is crippling
My anxiety is neverending
My depression is gasoline
And my anxiety is fire.
And I ask myself every single day.
Why me.
Why did it have to be me.
What did I do to deserve this pain.
Why am I like this
Why can't I be normal
Why is everything so hard
When I just want to feel okay. Be okay. Feel like a normal person.
My anxiety makes me feel like I'm drowning. And my depression are the cinder block weights pulling me down.
26-30, F
