I Hate Being Depressed All The Time

I try to be myself but its getting harder I feel I'm losing who the original me is, its like trying to remember a song from a broken recording, there are peices there but not enough to make it the whole thing. And I hide it try and joke and shrug it off push people away, people ask "are you ok?" I just say I am when there is a part of me locked and hidden away screaming for help. Its like living in a body thats already dead. I'm starting to get help I nearly went too far but luckily got saved but it honestly does feel like pain living when I got so close to it all being over. But thats the quick and easy way I have to do it the hard way at the end I hope it feels worth it.