I Am Depressed

I'm so tired of everything. I don't even know how I feel anymore because sometimes I feel too much so intensely and other times I just don't feel anything at all, sort of like I'm floating around other people as they live their lives and move forwards whilst I'm stuck in one place wishing I could go back and have everything be like it used to. I haven't been truly happy in months. I'm not sure I want to be happy again because it would just feel weird when I've been miserable for so long. All I can see ahead of me is darkness that creeps closer. My life is falling apart. I have no future. I'm not good at anything. I can't do what society expects me to do. Everyone has turned against me and I'm so, so lost. People keep reminding me that it's my birthday soon and I wish they wouldn't because I don't care one bit. I'm not interested. I'm not interested in anything. I don't even know if I'm truly depressed but I know I feel like shit and I'm starting to isolate myself more and more from the world because it's too much effort and I'm becoming completely helpless. I'm basically a failure at life. 😓