I Am Depressed

I am depressed, I really have no where else to go now, I should have killed myself long ago. In the end, any reason you think of to convince yourself not to die, will only be temporary, as they say nothing lasts forever. Years ago, I used to believe in love or soulmates, it was all I had to believe in to survive the abuse I suffered, from home, school and the nightmares. Loneliness is a dark thing but it helps you realize that nothing truly matters because when you finally find people to spend your life with, it is guaranteed they will break your heart, they say everyone is replaceable but if you are a guy you are 10 times more likely to be replaced and it is 10 times harder to find someone you want since girls know they can practically have anyone and it is not as easy for guys. Anyways, wishing for death is also a waste of time, I have to just end my life. Right now I am just living with a cheating gf, who know if she does stuff irl with others but I know for a fact she does stuff online and has gone back to sending pics as well. I want to trust but I get these feelings when something is off and keep finding out she is going back to doing that stuff. Maybe I'm psychic maybe I'm not but its easy to tell something is up when your significant other is ignoring you and acting snappy or mean to you yet on their phone smiling and laughing all the time or acting suspicious when you see them on their phone but anyways as I have said, there is nothing else for me and I have put off suicide for quite a while, I am ready to "run away" and die. I regret not dying years ago.