I Am Depressed

I am depressed, I really have no where else to go now, I should have killed myself long ago. In the end, any reason you think of to convince yourself not to die, will only be temporary, as they say nothing lasts forever. Years ago, I used to believe in love or soulmates, it was all I had to believe in to survive the abuse I suffered, from home, school and the nightmares. Loneliness is a dark thing but it helps you realize that nothing truly matters because when you finally find people to spend your life with, it is guaranteed they will break your heart, they say everyone is replaceable but if you are a guy you are 10 times more likely to be replaced and it is 10 times harder to find someone you want since girls know they can practically have anyone and it is not as easy for guys. Anyways, wishing for death is also a waste of time, I have to just end my life. Right now I am just living with a cheating gf, who know if she does stuff irl with others but I know for a fact she does stuff online and has gone back to sending pics as well. I want to trust but I get these feelings when something is off and keep finding out she is going back to doing that stuff. Maybe I'm psychic maybe I'm not but its easy to tell something is up when your significant other is ignoring you and acting snappy or mean to you yet on their phone smiling and laughing all the time or acting suspicious when you see them on their phone but anyways as I have said, there is nothing else for me and I have put off suicide for quite a while, I am ready to "run away" and die. I regret not dying years ago.

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Casheyane · 31-35, F

Well, you're gonna regret it more if you just kill yourself like that. Because then there really is nothing you or anyone else can do for you. As a girl, I'd say go talk to her. Have a heart to heart talk. I know you guys don't like that but we're all people here. And if she's a nice girl then she's gonna be honest to you as well. If it still does not work, then start over with yourself. But do not die. Because that means you've given up. And if you give up the life that was freely given to you, trust me it's not going to be any better on the other side.

Give yourself time to think. Do things you love. Get some alone time. Sometimes it helps to just go to places where you find freedom, not the bad kind, but the soul calming type. The place where you can relax. The beach maybe. Write down everything that's wrong with your life and burn the list. Start over. Because the story of your life will only change if you, the main character, will make the choice to move to the next chapter.

I think Jeremiah 29:11 is for you.

SW-User

I feel like you're viewing your life as meaningless, and I am truly sorry you feel this way man :'( I also struggle with depression, but it's quite different from the reasons why you're battling with it. I understand that there's all this stuff coming to you from all different directions and its hard to just block all that out, especially if you're living with one who triggers it. All I can say is that reflecting on it and dwelling on it will only increase your pain further. I'm not trying to talk you off the edge i just want you to understand that its only gonna change if you allow it to. All you can do is minimize the problems in your life, like leaving your gf or talking things out with her if you feel the relationship is worth saving. I hope you end up feeling better, and good luck :) it's a horrible emotional roller coaster ride and you can't deal with it alone.

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