I Battle Self-hatred, Anxiety, And Depression
So depression sucks.
And not even in the teenage angst way of how everything sucks when you know that really it doesn't. It is a hell hole of darkness and self defeat, and it doesn't matter how many times people say to you that they 'understand', they don't really. Not unless they have experienced it.
Depression feels like drowning in quick sand, or thick mud that fills your lungs until you're choked and can't breathe.
It makes you feel like everything is against you, like the world doesn't need you let alone want you in it.
Depression feels like a slow death, where everyone around you is watching as you spiral into it, but none of them can stop it happening.
This is just my view on how it feels, I am sure others have experienced it differently. I haven't talked about it much with anyone. It feels easier sometimes to bury your head in the sand and pretend it isn't happening, although the truth is, getting help for it and supporting yourself is the only way to see a positive end.
I have been sucked into this black vortex of pain for years, but recently it has really grabbed hold and doesn't want to let go. I hate the thought of taking meds for it- not because I don't think they work, but because I find it so hard to admit that I need help sometimes.
I find it hard to be me.
Some days I struggle to see the point.
And not even in the teenage angst way of how everything sucks when you know that really it doesn't. It is a hell hole of darkness and self defeat, and it doesn't matter how many times people say to you that they 'understand', they don't really. Not unless they have experienced it.
Depression feels like drowning in quick sand, or thick mud that fills your lungs until you're choked and can't breathe.
It makes you feel like everything is against you, like the world doesn't need you let alone want you in it.
Depression feels like a slow death, where everyone around you is watching as you spiral into it, but none of them can stop it happening.
This is just my view on how it feels, I am sure others have experienced it differently. I haven't talked about it much with anyone. It feels easier sometimes to bury your head in the sand and pretend it isn't happening, although the truth is, getting help for it and supporting yourself is the only way to see a positive end.
I have been sucked into this black vortex of pain for years, but recently it has really grabbed hold and doesn't want to let go. I hate the thought of taking meds for it- not because I don't think they work, but because I find it so hard to admit that I need help sometimes.
I find it hard to be me.
Some days I struggle to see the point.
36-40, F
