I Battle Depression On My Own

It's been a very hard couple days for me. My wife has really struggled in not doing what she used to be able to do and she cries a lot more these days. All I can do is hold her and try to comfort her. It gets harder every day for me to try and cheer her up when I am struggling to stay positive on my own. I have reached out to a few friends for help but they are too busy and don't have time. My family hasn't wanted to talk with me for years. I can't get support from my wife since she has a terminal disease and her family is struggling enough. I've always been there for everyone in my life through the years. I didn't think it was too much to ask to have someone to help me through this, but it seems it is too much to ask.

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

PoetryNEmotion · F

You need a break. Is there not some support in your community ie someone who can come in for a few hours and give you a break while caring for your wife? There must be a volunteer agency. I doubt you would place her in a respite bed at this point. Where are your real friends? Geez.

gmatthewb · 51-55, M

@PoetryNEmotion It seems I don't have any real friends as I am doing this without their support. My wife is not that demanding most of the time so I can sit and relax. I can't get the situation out of my mind though as I am always thinking about her and thinking of ways I can make her more comfortable and keep her spirits up. We have people come to the house every now and then. There is no support for me that I am aware of in this area for what I need.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@gmatthewb I don't get the no support part. I can only suggest you find some help for a community referral. A physician can refer you. Or a social worker. There are usually people who can help you. I am sorry for what you are going through alone.

gmatthewb · 51-55, M

@PoetryNEmotion A social worker comes to visit every month to check on my wife. I could try to see a doctor for my issues, but my wife does not want me away for long. She doesn't trust that others can help her how I can. She is a big girl, takes a lot of strength to move her. The PSW's that come would not be able to help her even roll over in bed I am sure. We don't want to call 911 just to get help rolling her over. Her mother also cannot help much other than prepare a few of her favouite meals.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@gmatthewb You need to take care of you too. It is vital for so many reasons. Of course they cannot-no one can ever take care of their loved one like themself. But you need a break. And she does too. One person cannot do everything. And you must breathe too. The social worker should be able to suggest some other help.

gmatthewb · 51-55, M

@PoetryNEmotion I don't ask. I have depression as it is, so I don't feel I am worthy of help. So when the social worker comes, I don't bring it up. My wife knows about my depression, but she doesn't say anything to anyone about it either. It isn't getting in the way of me caring for her so I don't worry about it most times.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@gmatthewb I wish you would ASK. You are important. Often caregivers become depressed. It is common. It gets in the way of your living. Please consider it.

gmatthewb · 51-55, M

@PoetryNEmotion I have thought about it and I have talked it over with my wife. I have had this depression for over 30 years now, I have a handle on it most times. Days like today are a lot harder on me though because my wife spent a lot of it crying. Makes things a lot harder on me. I was still able to get her to laugh and smile a few times today though. Tough when I have nobody to help me smile about something.