It is the third day of antidepressants for my bipolar type 2

I should celebrate, right?
Who thought I'd be in this position one day?

Sometimes all of this feels like a dream.

I am mourning my childhood and younger adulthood... apparantly I had dysthymia and wasn't aware.

And also mourning my hypomania... the moments I felt like I loved myself for the first time. That the resort to intense emotional pain wasn't words of (I want to give up life)... where I felt aligned with my values in general, sharp and quick and productive at work. I went to a couple therapists during those periods (because I felt I was different) but after 2-3 sessions they said I'm off to go cause I had logical, well aligned, wise answers to everything and to every issue I presented to them lol.

I don't know what to wait for in the future... will my baseline mood be better?
Will it be back to the times I always felt low?

There is so much confusion

I hope I'm not exaggerating this whole fiasco.