Turns out my euthymia is depressed.
Today I finished the first tablet of the mood stabilizer. Which makes it five days in a row for my first time taking treatment for my bipolar II (recently diagnosed)
I can hardly believe it but I'm committed I guess. I only missed one pill once cause I forgot 😅
But guess what, the psychiatrist told me that I'm in my euthymia (neutral mood) days, even though most days I feel so low.
What is happening now just reminds me of how I always lived with low mood my whole life (from late childhood like 10-11 years old to the first hypomanic episode). I felt low 70% of the time, thoughts of giving up life invaded my mind most of the time to the point of once just innocently asking mom to take me back from life the way she gave me. She brushed it off with a joke obviously. But that only got worse.
The first time I felt like life was meant for me was 05 years ago, (first hypomanic episode) I felt freer than ever and I was like: wow, looks like my low mood and thoughts of giving up living is disappearing for good for some reason! But ofc a couple months later I had depression and it was the worst I ever had lol.
Anyways, looks like I'm back to these days pre-bipolar where everything felt suffocating for one reason or another, but it is not depression yet.
I think I'm noticing too much, but I can't help it because it is intervening with my daily life and at work.
I can hardly believe it but I'm committed I guess. I only missed one pill once cause I forgot 😅
But guess what, the psychiatrist told me that I'm in my euthymia (neutral mood) days, even though most days I feel so low.
What is happening now just reminds me of how I always lived with low mood my whole life (from late childhood like 10-11 years old to the first hypomanic episode). I felt low 70% of the time, thoughts of giving up life invaded my mind most of the time to the point of once just innocently asking mom to take me back from life the way she gave me. She brushed it off with a joke obviously. But that only got worse.
The first time I felt like life was meant for me was 05 years ago, (first hypomanic episode) I felt freer than ever and I was like: wow, looks like my low mood and thoughts of giving up living is disappearing for good for some reason! But ofc a couple months later I had depression and it was the worst I ever had lol.
Anyways, looks like I'm back to these days pre-bipolar where everything felt suffocating for one reason or another, but it is not depression yet.
I think I'm noticing too much, but I can't help it because it is intervening with my daily life and at work.
26-30, F
