I hate being autistic

i was undiagnosed until i was mid teenage years, my childhood was spent being yelled at by my parents because they couldn't understand what what was wrong with me and why i acted the way i did, i cried when i found out. i'm writing this post because im just so tired of not being able to do the things neurotypical people can usually do, i have long days, most of the time i spend it masking and it's exhausting, so i get tired very easily, i have a boyfriend now who i can't show affection or vulnerability to easily and he got kind of upset about it "just act like you love me if you love me" and i didn't even know what to say. im so tired of being awkward and liking stupid childhood things and getting hyper fixated on shit i just want to be able to be a normal person

i feel so out of place