I'm really sorry you were undiagnosed for such a long time,
The most difficult part of this condition is always childhood. I was diagnosed at 12, and before that I knew that I was definitely different to everyone else, that the things which come naturally to them were foreign (or even stupid) to me and required constant cognitive effort to emulate (mask your true self). You're literally acting every waking moment of every day, and when you slip up and a little bit of your self comes through, people seen to become irrationally angry, upset, or embarrassed by association.
For anyone who's not autistic, imagine being born on alien planet, where everyone's customs and norms are completely different from those on earth, they may for example consider eating a very private and personal matter, so eat entirely in private rooms, and never talk about it, however their society celebrates going to the toilet, and so that would be done with company, and at parties, with much fanfare and discussion. Sure, it would be possible for you to act this way, but it certainly wouldn't feel natural.
I was lucky enough to have very understanding parents, who even before I was diagnosed were just willing to accept me as being a "weird kid", but after the diagnosis, they had a lot more to go on, and were able to help even more. To this day, I'm so grateful to them, for their empathy, understanding and unconditional love.
Teachers and kids at school were the complete opposite. Nobody was at all understanding, sympathetic, or even civil about how much disdain they had for the parts of me that I was unable to mask. These characteristics would be remembered and mercilessly mocked, by students and faculty alike.
I believe this has become a lot better since I was in school, but that may not be the case everywhere in the world.
As someone on the Autism spectrum, whilst certain "normal" behaviors that neurotypical individuals can do basically by instinct, are difficult for me, the flip side is that I'm prodigiously talented in a few areas (math, programing, art, and music), and have been able to excel in both my professional life, and thoroughly enjoy my hobbies as a result.
Don't worry about being fixated on things that others call "childish", eventually most prototypical adults are so un-fixated on anything in life that they're mediocre workers, absentee parents and the closest thing they have to a hobby is watching a bunch of other people play football.
My take on it all, after having lived with Autism my whole life is that the thing Autisic people are worst at is blending in. We don't have the same instinctive drive to be like everyone else, and to conform to societal norms or be like other people.
As a child, this is complete torture, as you don't have ANY independence or privacy, and are completely at the mercy of your parents, teachers and others who have authority over you.
We like to figure things out by ourselves, and live life based on observable facts, rather than hearsay or group-think. At the beginning of life, it takes us a while to "grow up" because we've got to learn everything by trial-and-error. Where as other kids just believe what they're told.
On the flip side, I think we never stop "growing up", and once we reach adulthood, where we don't have people micromanaging every single aspect of our lives, we're free to live our best lives.
As you get older, and obtain some independence, make use of your many gifts and talents, and begin to create your own environment, filled with the people of your choosing, life gets a LOT better. I promise. ❤🤗
