Another day of confusion...

My wife is upset because our son and myself stopped her from following the dog around trying to get her to eat a salad for dinner. She had two paper plates filled with salad and couldn't figure out why the dog wouldn't eat, and when I took the salads and put them away and got the dog bowl and put dog food and some cold cuts in it -- which the dog immediately ate -- my wife got all kinds of pouty and angry, though we're not sure exactly why. :'(

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ArishMell · 70-79, M

Sadly, it is common for people to become rather aggressively defensive, through fear of what is, or even just might be, happening to them.

masterofyou · M

My wife has dementia along with Multiple Sclerosis, she has had it for 47 of our 50 years of marriage she is chair bound I'm her legs..... And caregiver.... Good luck you're going to need it and all the prayers and help you can get 🙏

Primnproper · 56-60, F

My oldest sister who was diagnosed at 59 is going through this, she no longer speaks and refuses food. She gets very agitated and is only 63 now but it’s gripping hold of her so quickly.

ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M

@Primnproper Yes, the quickness of the deterioration despite the meds is depressing.

Primnproper · 56-60, F

@ChipmunkErnie very, they have told us if my sister gets ill with anything she probably won’t survive. We lost my grandad to it.

OlderSometimesWiser · F

I’m so very sorry you’re having to experience this. I would imagine the frustration for all of you is immense. Must be so incredibly confusing and scary for her. The walls are closing in around her and less and less of her world is making sense.

Is there anyone who can advise you about these changes and how to navigate them? Doctor? Counselor? Support group?

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ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M

@OlderSometimesWiser I imagine there are support groups -- I just haven't gotten that far.

OlderSometimesWiser · F

@ChipmunkErnie Forgive my pushy ways. No one could ever put themselves in your exact situation. I’m just wanting there to be some support for you because I do know how incredibly taxing the caretaker role can be.

ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M

@OlderSometimesWiser No problem. I've thought of groups, etc. but there is so much else going on, and things haven't gotten so bad I feel the need yet. I imagine some day I will.

Heartlander

There are dozens, maybe hundreds of YouTube videos with advice and suggestions on how to respond to belligerent or misbehavior by people with dementia. One thing to keep in mind is that in many cases the individual is absolutely convinced that what they do is right and appropriate and direct criticism and/or opposition to their behavior may cause them to double down or retreat in resentment that may influence future trust and interactions.

Sadly, it’s not like dealing with someone of sound mind.

ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M

@Heartlander She doesn't get violent or nasty, just kind of grump and frustrated. It's hard to tell if she's upset with us or with herself.

Heartlander

@ChipmunkErnie Be thankful. I’ve seen enough pleas from those with spouses or parents that turn violent and may even be a threat to the life of the caregiver. It takes a bit of practice to not push back against misguided behavior but to accept and look for ways to deflect.

iamnikki · 31-35, F

🎶Ball of confusion, that's what the world is today, hey hey🎶
-Temptations

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smiler2012 · 61-69

@ChipmunkErnie i am sorry i know most pets cats and dogs will eat most human food as titbits but salad😯 lol no way that is is rabbit and hamster food

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