Anxious
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Coworker said something cruel and I cried at work.

So as many of you know, I am 59 years old and alone and having a very hard time with aging, losing my looks, strength, etc.
I work as a cashier in a grocery store and most of our customers come in every single day and we all know their names and everything that goes on in their lives- they are family.
So there's one young guy that comes in almost every night and buys either one beer or sometimes a 6 pack. Occasionally he comes in with his girlfriend, but mostly alone. He's always friendly and talkative.
For some reason, after having to card him so much, I remembered his birthday and I would blurt it out before he would pull out his ID and it became a funny joke between us that I would remember it.
I have remembered the phone number I had growing up, over 50 years ago. I remember most of the PLU numbers of vegetables and fruits without looking them up, and I remember most of the Tax ID numbers of businesses that get tax exempt off their groceries. It's just memorizing numbers from repetition, no big deal.
So anyway, last night at work, it was very slow and we were all acting silly and bored, and the young guy whose birthday I had memorized came in with his girlfriend and the coworker who was working that register was reaching for his id to card him for beer and I was bored and I walked over and laughed and said his birthday and me and the guy and his girlfriend laughed about how I always remember it.
So my coworker looked at us funny and I explained how his birthday had randomly got stuck in my memory bank and I always remember when he comes in.
And then she LOUDLY said "wow- that's really creepy having an old lady stalking you like that!" Right in front of him and his girlfriend. She did not say it in a joking manner, but very derogatory and rude.
So keep in mind that I am overly sensitive about 2 things- my age and my weight.
I completely lost it, cussed her out, flipped her off and walked off and told the supervisor how she had humiliated me in front of the customer.
I have not cried in a very long time, maybe years, but I burst out crying and couldn't stop. I realized that no matter how hard I try to dress cute and act young and wear makeup and try to look pretty, I am nothing but an old lady who has lost her looks and my life is over now and I will always be alone, so why should I even bother trying to look good? Might as well cut my hair short so I can finally really fit the profile of middle aged old lady. Might as well wear polyester pants and get a membership to play bingo somewhere.
I know I have overreacted but everyone in the world has something that sets them off and that they are sensitive about and my age just happens to be mine.
The girl who said the mean comment has not bothered to apologize at all and I will never speak to her again other than work related issues.
This was last night and I am off today and haven't been able to stop crying and being depressed about being old and ugly now.
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novaguy2u · 70-79, M
Stop crying and get over it. You are 59 years young and should be anticipated years of fun ahead. The fact you have built up relationships with regular customers suggests that you are a fun and warm person. Your workmate is the creepy one: probably jealous of your ability to make friendships.
Mardrae · F
@novaguy2u things are MUCH different and better for aging men than women. I'm kinda clueless on where all the years of fun ahead will be coming from...
novaguy2u · 70-79, M
@Mardrae Maybe for some. However, when I was younger, I was always attracted to older women, for a number of reasons. It wasn't until I was in my sixties that I was spending time with women my own age.
DemureDeb · 56-60, F
I'm sorry your coworker was so mean. I can honestly say that I understand feeling old. I just turned 58 a few days ago. I look in the mirror and see an old woman staring back at me lol. I am amazed at how much knowledge you have remembering PLU numbers, tax id numbers and the young man's birthday, plus the trust you have earned. I think the young coworker has some issues. One day she will be not so young. You still have many years ahead if your health is good and retirement to look forward to.
Mardrae · F
@DemureDeb thank you for your kind words. My health is not at all good though, and because of money situations, I will never be able to retire. Gonna work till I drop. 😂
Coralmist · 41-45, F
Wow you are by no means old..and you are a pretty woman!! 🌷I just read that when someone puts us down, belittles etc, they are saying it about THEMSELVES. It is never about us. I wonder if she had a touch of envy that you could have camaraderie with a customer when she blurted that. You are not old and your life is NOT over🪻🤗
Mardrae · F
@Coralmist thank you but you don't know what I look like. 😂. I was wondering if the lady who said it was somehow jealous of me- she's 40 herself and looks older and is heavyset and never wears makeup or makes any effort to look nice so maybe it bothers her that I do try most days.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@Mardrae I do know what you look like..saw a pic few months ago. 🐞🙂
Mardrae · F
@Coralmist ugh. You have way too good of a memory 😂
Beautywithin · 36-40, F
Age comes to us all whether we like it or not, i do understand about the aging thing, its hard for us women to try and fit in with the beauty standards but what is even more important you can have a laugh and joke with customer's, your coworker has a lot to learn one day she will get older and maybe experience a similar story.

Be grateful you still have your health when all is said and done looks counts for nothing, although i do believe you need to feel good inside, so carry on wearing your dresses and make up and most of all never stop making people laugh and smile.
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
Kinda goi g through the same thing but im 63 and having low T has left me with ED and several other issues. Debating on the treatment but who am i kidding.
Mardrae · F
@Tastyfrzz I have used it myself years ago for energy and I had to quit taking it because it raised my testosterone so much and I was always horny. And a guy friend of mine says he can go all night on it.
Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M
@Mardrae That's all i need. To be horny all night and going at it alone with E.D.
Mardrae · F
@Tastyfrzz I agree- that would probably not be good. Same reason I quit taking it. No reason for a middle aged old lady to be single and horny and no one wants to look at her. 😂. Masturbating is fun, but not all day every day.
Muthafukajones · 46-50, M
The person who said that to you is very mean and a bad person. Don’t give up on looking nice and feeling young and happy. You do that stuff for you… you deserve it. I’ve hooked up with some older women and had lots of fun times especially if it’s kept light hearted! There is also a cashier at the store near me… I’m not comparing you to her but instead telling you about a kindness i do for her that everyone deserves. She seems a bit sad and lonely but she’s cheerful and always happy to see me. I take the time to have a few words or even a chat with her every time I see her. She’s dear.

Stay young at heart. Look good for you. If you need to shed a few pounds to do that then start tomorrow! You deserve to feel good about yourself and be happy… and to be treated with respect and kindness!
Mardrae · F
@Muthafukajones you sound like a sweet person and I bet your cashier has a bit of a crush on you! Thankfully I am in pretty good shape physically and don't really need to lose weight but you know how us women are- we always think we'd look better if we were just a few pounds lighter! Women have such pressure on them to look young and skinny.
Banksy83 · 41-45, M
She really showed herself to you and that guy and his girlfriend, Mardrae you have nothing to reproach yourself for ,when that guy comes in again carry on the way you were with him.
Zeusdelight · 61-69, M
She said a rude stupid comment.

You are using two value judgements to torture yourself and I don't understand why.

Anyone over 30 is considered old by someone. Ugliness and beauty have always been ill-defined areas for abuse, particularly women.

Why be concerned about either of them?

I had a dead baby turkey in my backyard today and was thinking how lucky I am to have had a longer life with more experiences than it will.

You have got more time in your life. It is up to you if you want to make them fun or not.
almondflour · 46-50, F
Stuff like that happens to the best of us. I used to be quite sensitive and at times I still feel the sting. However, I have over the years had experiences that have allowed me to learn how to not let it bother me for too long. Rude people just project their weaknesses/stupidity to others. One day that person will be old and karma will get that person for sure. Just keep being the happy, beautiful person you are and not allow a bitter soul to change you and ruin your day. Besides, as we age, for some reason we are like wine in many aspects. I for one, would not like to go back to being young ( no disrespect to young people out there).
Strongtea · 22-25, M
Awwww. Don’t listen to them
Adrift · 61-69, F
Well one thing is for sure, nobody gets any younger and she will age just the same as every one else.
Kstrong · 56-60, F
Get over it! Every day is a gift. Be grateful for your keen memory to remember numbers. Yours and his private joke on his birthdat
Justenjoyit · 61-69, M
Next time the young guy comes in you need to apologise to him about your co workers behaviour, I am sure he did not like the situation either and probably feels sorry for you being put in that situation too. Getting old is not easy but just think its better than the alternative.
@Mardrae Nah... It makes sense that you might eventually remember his face and date of birth after so long of repetitively carding him.

As someone who is unfortunate enough to look younger than their age, I'd be happy if a few cashiers managed to hook up my face with my age - since it saves me having to grab my ID to make an age restricted purchase.

As for the young man and his girlfriend, your colleague's reaction might have made them feel uncomfortable, which could be why they laughed... some people have an inappropriate sense of humour as a coping mechanism.

Don't let this woman bother you - she's obviously an ugly person if she can say things like that and not apologise for it, after she saw that you were clearly upset by it.

There's no point in changing yourself just to be what an ugly person thinks you should be - so carry on doing what you like to do and what makes you feel beautiful inside and out, because for each negative moment like this, there will be many more positive ones... even if it is a nice feeling inside, or a nice compliment as you go about your day.
Mardrae · F
@HootyTheNightOwl thanks so much for your kind words! As for the guy, I do still have to look at his ID since I am on camera. I will probably never mention his birthday again though.
@Mardrae I know that a lot of the places I speak of are often independent stores that are regularly serving children as young as 12 or 13 with cigarettes and beer - yet, they card my almost 40 yo ass... why??? Those are children who haven't entered puberty yet... I am not a child anymore.

It might be best to not mention it to colleagues again - especially as you say that you still have to ID him regardless of if you know he is of age or not.
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SatanBurger · 36-40, FVIP
She needed a good slap that's what she needed, her ass beat. But I know you can't do that. Sorry she treated you that way, she's just miserable.
Mardrae · F
@SatanBurger yeah, if I had not been at work, I would've been all up in her face. I am about to leave for work now ( I was off yesterday) and it will be interesting to see what my main manager has to say about it. I hope I don't get written up for going off on her. I'm sure the cameras caught me flipping her off and crying when it happened.
iamonfire696 · 41-45, F
What she did was completely wrong and I can understand why you’re hurt.

Everyone ages, it’s the natural progression of life.
Unhinged · 100+
I'm sorry this happened to you :(
Mardrae · F
@Unhinged thank you- and welcome to SW
(((((HUGS))))) Just remember that WE ARE GEN X, we do not care what millennial and zoomer dumb fuck punks say about us, we ARE stronger than them.

 
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