Destorying Myself

I've lost control over how much I drink and vape. I'm killing myself slowly but I can't stop. I love it so much. I'm failing at my own life to the point it's purposely that I'm doing this. The feeling is all I want. My thoughts coming to an end when I drink or anything. It feels so good. I'm self destructive and I don't know how to stop. I don't want to continue in life if every day I wake up and hate how I know my days going to be. I love those moments where I feel alive. Hanging my head out of the window in the middle of the night with friends. Days are so long and boring but with a drink and good feeling everything is better.

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littlepuppywantanewlife · 31-35, M

Stop it immediately. If you need friends to talk about it I am here.

xZer0x · 18-21

@littlepuppywantanewlife Thanks but I think I'm a bit beyond talking. I'm honestly doing it again. I'm drinking at this moment at a friends party and im ahead. I know this drinking isn't for fun, im just doing it to get away and feel something I'm over it but i can't stop. I know I should but if I do I don't feel alive or anything. I feel nothing. There's something wrong with me. But at the same time I don't care, I just idk.