I feel disgusting

I feel like a girl that has never mentally grown up into a woman and can't accept what this body does. I just feel endless repulsion. I could never really relate to guys but I think I experienced first hand what it's like to be what they call "sexually visual type" and the desire to dominate (not in the BDSM sense, just in the sense to be a top, not bottom). Ever since I can't go back and be the object of such desires. No matter how hypocritical it is, I can't stand the idea that when men sexually think about me it's the same way how I think about some (more effeminate) men. It's a major fuck-up because I am feminine, I like looking feminine but I absolutely hate what it means sexually and what's the natural purpose of it. In a sense, I have no use for it. I attract the wrong kind of attention, wrong kinds of men.